Will Power

Sooo I'm at the end of Day 2 and I must say I'm feeling pretty blessed and impressed. I feel blessed because I had about 10 minutes of a caffeine withdrawal headache - which, if you know anything about me you know that is a serious miracle. I was expecting at least two days of a migraine. I feel blessed because I'm not even really craving food or hungry, and that is something I literally pray about on the way to work. I'm impressed with the will power - that I really didn't even know I had. The power to continuously drink water and the power to sit at home alone and not dig in to all the delicious things that I definitely have in my kitchen right now and the power to not cheat, even when no one is looking. I've decided to stick around work or just run a few errands if, and only if, I HAVE to because it keeps me from going and buying something else to eat when I know I don't need it. And just keeping myself busy gives me will power - like scrubbing down my kitchen rather than sitting on the couch watching TV when all that really makes me want to do is eat some chips. Also, WATER ... water gives you will power, did you know about that? Because you totally should. Every time I feel even a tad bit hungry I gulp it... or if I start thinking about how delicious that Butter Cake I'm making on Wednesday will taste... I gulp it. While I'm reading my kindle (which I do a bit more than I should) I just sit there with the straw in my mouth and suck it down while I read... it's like magic - I don't even realize I just downed 16oz. Just do it - it's awesome. A few of you have asked me what I'm doing... so it's not really a master plan or anything... I'm just replacing breakfast and lunch with a Slim Fast shake and eating a real dinner, I also include 2-3 snacks in there somewhere. I stopped drinking soda... completely... and we are never, ever, ever getting back together... like ever. I'm also moving more - I found this short little workout on pinterest with mountain climbers, jumping jacks, push ups and crunches so I've started on that. I most definitely do it alone and sometimes in the dark, I'm not quite ready to publicly slap my fat around. But one day at a time, right? I'll get there. I noticed tonight I didn't get winded going  up the steps to my place - which probably sounds downright ridiculous to you... but it's definitely a fist pumping moment for me. So see... no grand idea just little things I know I can do to help myself out - slow and steady wins the race. Someone pretty smart told me I only need 4 things: (1) Honesty (2) Willingness (3) Open-Mindedness and (4) Patience... which I've found is SO true, for so many things. But I repeat that to myself every morning - my own little mantra... I stare myself down and say "Jillian, be honest with yourself today - don't cheat yourself. You you are more than willing to do this - keep it up and don't give up. Have an open-mind, try new things. And be patient - it won't all fall off in one day - you will get there and it will be epic." So stick that on your post it note and read it :)

Never too late

Well hello strangers... I'm baaaaack. It's about dang time, right?! So I'm readin this nifty little book about a girl that was fat (imagine that) and she reminds me a lot of ...  me. So I was thinking I should definitely get back on track with this weight loss challenge even though technically it's suppose to be over in like 2 months and technically I probably haven't lost any weight since I started this blog. Have you ever just been really bad at something? Well... I'm just really REALLY really bad a losing weight. I'm lazy and I don't want to cook healthy meals and I don't want to move my fat butt around and I definitely don't want to do it in any type of public place. I don't want to count calories and not eat that cupcake from Gigi's that I want so desperately. But ALL OF THAT is exactly why I need to lose weight. I'm a blubbery, lazy mess. I literally hate the way I look - I avoid mirrors and shopping for clothes and generally I feel pretty bad about myself. I've always been a big person but it never use to bother me it was just what I was and there were still days I felt pretty, really pretty. Now... I can't even tell you the last time I felt pretty, or like a glimpse of myself in the mirror didn't make me want to throw up. This is all pretty depressing, right? I know... it's actually pretty embarassing to lay it all out there on public display - all these pent up feelings and emotions I have on a daily basis. I've had a lot going on in my personal life for the last 5 years - it's kind of sucked to be blatently honest. I pushed most of my friends away because I just didn't want anyone to see what was really going on - you know, underneath the smiles and the "I'm fines". I'm sure this has all added to my current condition. So ENOUGH... my new motto for each day "Get rid of it - it doesn't belong here. This is your time. No one else's. If it isn't motivating you, then it doesn't belong around you." The "IT" in get rid of it being all the anger and torment and depression and low self-esteem. And the "IT" in if it isn't motivating being people, places, things, food, etc. I don't really care if I can only walk 5 minutes 4 times a day I will get in my 20 minutes and that's where I will start. If you have a healthy recipe that you would like to share email it to me jillianlorek@gmail.com. I WILL try it - I can't promise I'll love it but I'll try it. If you have a smart phone - and the My Fitness Pal app then add ME - JillianLorek. I can use all the encouragement and accountability that I can get. I can do this.... I have to do this.

Day 41- Tomorrow is for real

Ugh... I feel nasty, bloated... like a marshmallow in a microwave - have you ever seen that? It's ridiculous it's so huge and big and slimy- full of fat, melty, sticky stuff... and you really just don't have any idea what to do with it... I mean it's definitely too big to put on a graham cracker. Well now that you have that glorious image in your head - imagine it with my head on top... and there you have it folks, that is my Sunday. Tomorrow is THE day. Like THE one that I expect will change my life forever. So I have been eating and drinking whatever and whenever I wanted today, you know... in preparation for mega weight loss ;) it's how I roll. I just went to the store and stocked up on all the veggies, meat and beans that you could possibly want in a weeks worth of meals. As the cashier rang up can after can of pinto beans and kidney beans and garbanzo beans (etc) I felt the need to explain myself to him... like why anyone could ever want that many different types of beans in their life. Instead I just smiled and paid. I know he totally thought I was a weirdo ... that probably farts a lot.

I went home and we cleaned out the pantry and the fridge ridding our lives of all those big nasty carbs (that I love oh so much, oh too much) and the chocolate ... oh the perfectly good chocolate. However, there is one last pint of Haagen Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter with my name ALL over it... it's my one last splurge after my bubble bath soak. Trust me... it's important. Why on earth does my favorite ice cream on the planet have to be the worst ice cream for you, literally... it's the worst... read my blog a few posts back. Anyways - I just wanted you to know that I was serious and prepped and ready for next week.

Motivation... like the general population I need motivation to do things. Sometimes I just have to motivate myself to be happy... not that I'm depressed about anything... but sometimes, when you are like me and you have a MASTER'S DEGREE in something you LOVE but you are still wiping poop off kid's butts and cleaning green snotty boogers off kid's faces for A LIVING you need a little more motivation than the typical person. So I'm making myself a morning motivational CD. Yes, you heard that right. I need something that will kick my butt in gear in the morning, get me moving and especially SMILING. I need to smile more, it's good for my soul. And although when I belt out "Come on baby, make it hurt so good... sometimes love don't feel like it should" it doesn't seem "HAPPY" it totally is - I mean that song ROCKS and it makes me feel happy inside. And that's important.

Tomorrow I begin. I will weigh myself in the morning and I will let you know what the results are next week... wish me luck!!!!!!!

Day 34

Well, it's been ONE MONTH - and I've lost a total of 7 pounds... not much to brag about... but hey it's not zero pounds so I'm gonna take it. I haven't really been good about posting on here and I am going to do better, however, I am going to do it a little differently. Someone VERY smart says to "Take the pressure off and make a small change"... words to live by. Another little quote of wisdom currently taking over my life - "The decent method you follow is better than the perfect method you quit" so taking these into consideration I am altering the way I hold myself accountable by way of blogging. I am going to check in and post ONCE A WEEK - probably during the weekend. Every now and again I may get the chance to post more than once but don't hold your breath.

I'm about to drop some knowledge on you.... I don't even know if you are ready for this.... are you? You remember how my friend Jessica said to get the book The Four Hour Body?? Well, she is my new favorite person because this book is RIDICULOUS. I mean it's quirky (by that I mean my kind of humor), it's smart (by that I mean sometimes I have to read a paragraph a few times because this guy is so intelligent and I don't want to miss one single word) and it's LIFE CHANGING.... did you get that part... it's important... it will CHANGE YOUR LIFE. So I'm telling you right now if you want to lose weight get off your big ole dimply butt and BUY this book. I went to Barnes & Nobel online and it was $17... yet in the store it's $27... but :) if you have a Kindle (which you should totally have) then it's only $12. The average - AVERAGE - person that reads his book and uses his information looses 20 pounds within weeks. Um... I don't know about you but I'll pay $12 for that. A lot of it is information that you probably already know, but he explains it in a very interesting way and trust me there is A TON in there that you have no idea about. It's completely worth it. Really. Go buy it.

So not THIS week... but next week I'm starting this AVOID white things thing. Meaning I must avoid: all rice (even brown), all breads, cereal, potatoes, pasta (terrible, terrible idea), tortillas and anything fried with breading. This is going to SUCK, it is... I hate it already - but it will be so completely worth it when I'm rockin my bathing suit this summer. Did you know (I do because of this awesome book I'm reading) that this chlorine dioxide chemical used to bleach flour combines with residual protein in most of these foods to form Alloxan - researchers use Alloxan to INDUCE DIABETES in lab rats.... seriously!?!? I mean they left that little snippet of info off the label. That should totally be a surgeon general's warning.

Items that must be included in my menu now: chicken breast or thigh, beef (grass fed), fish, pork, organic eggs, lentils, black beans, pinto beans, red beans, soybeans, spinach (yeck!), asparagus, peas, broccoli, Green beans... you get the picture.

I'm going to be saying NO to FRUIT... oh yeah! It contains FRUCTOSE, which is converted to glycerol phosphate more efficiently than almost all other carbohydrates.
Glycerol phosphate > triglycerides > fat storage (no thank you!)

I'm going to be saying NO to DIET SODA... why? Aspartame can stimulate weight gain.

I'm going to designate Saturday as my "Dieters Gone Wild Day". I'm going to eat whatever I want to eat and it's going to be heaven. Because dramatically spiking caloric intake in this way 1x per week increases fat loss by ensuring that your metabolic rate doesn't downshift from extended caloric restriction. (sounds smart right) And to help with my cravings throughout the week I'm going to keep a notebook around so when I have a craving I'm going to write it down and know that I can eat it on Saturday.

This is just A LITTLE of the ways I'm going to change my diet. So we will see if it works...

Who even knows what day it is anymore (I promise I'll check before next time)

Hello long lost blog world,
I know I've been letting you down... I've been letting myself down but it's been a whirlwind of crazy going on around here and sometimes I just can't find the time to blog. What can I say, my family comes first. And this weekend my every aching head has demanded to be first. I just allowed myself to take my migraine meds for the first time all weekend because it has just gotten that bad. But I NEEDED to speak with you... I NEEDED to motivate myself.... so I NEEDED to update this little bloggy blog. A friend of mine - Ms. Jessica Dowty - whom I love and miss VERY much has sent me a letter. She is on a weight loss crusade as well and has blessed me with some amazing information that she is also letting me share with you! How great is that? She has lost almost 60 pounds, so this is some expert advice in my book - I've defintely never been that good. She is pretty amazing so I just went ahead with the copy and paste, here it be:
 
1. Start taking care of your skin now! I am constantly bathing myself in lotion. Good lotion. Lotion that is full of vitamins, aloe, cocoa butter, and anything with collagen elastin! I also found a bath wash made by St. Ives that has collagen elastin and I use that stuff religiously. This part of the weight loss process is not exactly cheap but I am hoping it will be worth it once I get all of this weight off of me. I have several friends that had the lap band surgery over a year ago and now they are having some sagging skin issues. I am trying to avoid this problem and so far I think all of this is helping. Also, stay hydrated! Drinking lots of water is probably one of the best things you can do for your skin, not to mention that it is good for shedding pounds too.

 2. Let’s face it…sometimes you just have to eat fast food. I saw on one of your entries that this has already happened to you. This is my trick for eating fast food - If I absolutely MUST eat from one of these greasy, really-bad-for-you places, I get a kids meal. I know it doesn’t seem like much food but if you try it (only if you are eating there to avoid passing out from low blood sugar or something), I think you will find that it’s not so bad.

 3. If I go out to eat at a sit-down restaurant I only allow myself to eat half of my meal. I get the waitress to bring me a to-go box before I even start eating and I put half of it away and out of my sight. Sometimes I end up eating the rest later that night but chances are that I would have eaten something else anyway, even if I had devoured it all at dinner. So I am still eating less either way.

 4. Eat on smaller plates at home. You will automatically eat less – I promise.

 5. Buy Orville Redenbacher’s Smart Pop popcorn. It is the 94% fat free one and it is butter flavored. This is a good snack to have on hand whenever you want something to munch on. Don’t get the individual serving bags. Get the big bags. Put some of that fancy, flavored popcorn salt on it and eat the whole thing! It is crunchy, takes a while to eat, and goes great with evening television shows! Keep some at work too. Seriously, this stuff can save you.

 6. I saw on your blog that walking is hard for you so I am giving you permission to stop walking…for now. When I first started losing weight, I had terrible problems with my feet. I have massive bone spurs on the bottoms of both heels and they used to hurt like crazy. Now that I have lost some weight they aren’t bothering me anymore and I am just now starting to work out some. In other words – I lost about 55 pounds without ever working out. I think it is important for you to start working out in the future but it is not a necessity right now. Not to mention, it can be rather discouraging if it is painful for you.

 7. Don’t try to be too fancy with your meals. I have found that it is easier for me if I eat the same things over and over again. My lunch is pretty much the same thing almost every day. It is either 2 lean pockets or sandwiches (without mayo and cheese). This might be a good thing for you to try at work. If you want to do sandwiches then buy the Natures Own bread that is 40 calories per slice. That is half the calories you find in other breads which means you can eat two sandwiches without feeling guilty. And, if you are the kind of person that really wants to have chips with your sandwiches then get some 100 calorie packs. I find that the sandwiches are enough for me though.

 8. Go buy the book, “The Four Hour Body” by Timothy Ferriss. OMG – it is great! It has a really good diet plan in it that you don’t have to do…haha. Besides the diet plan, it has a lot of really neat and easy ways to boost your metabolism like: drinking a big glass of cold water within 30 minutes of waking up, using cinnamon and fresh garlic, and icing certain parts of your body daily. It also has some really easy workouts that you only have to do a couple of times a week (and they won’t bother your knees). There is a lot more in it than what I just mentioned.

I'm gonna go ahead and let you know that I'm pretty much going to follow ALL of her advice - like I said EXPERT! And I also already downloaded "The Four Hour Body" onto my kindle - so I will update you on that book as I read along. Also, I'm headed out (well when my migraine ends) to get myself some new lotion - it's important. No saggy skin here, no thank you!

PS- I'm obsessed with Pinterest - I think you probably already knew that, but regardless... I found this SUPER cute idea on how to visualize weight loss. You take 2 glass vases and decorate them however you'd like - the example showed "Pounds to Go" and "Pounds Lost" on the vases - I'm going to come up with something a little funnier I think. But then you get yourself some of those decrative clear (or colored- I got multi-colored purple) rocks and put 1 per pound in the "Pounds to Go" and move them as you lose them. I put my set on the counter near my scale in the bathroom. LOVE IT!

PPS- THANK YOU, JESSICA DOWTY :) You are officially my hero.

Day 18-23... I know, I'm ashamed of myself

I know. I'm utterly ridiculous... but let's face it - I'm beat. I get about 4-5 hours of sleep (and just so you know I'm definitely an 8 hour sleep needer) and then I go deal with crazy little people all day, only to come home cook, clean and do laundry then do it all over again. I know, I know... that's not a very good excuse for neglecting my resolution... but what can I say I'm just flat out pooped and when I do get a free 5 minutes I soak it in... no blogging... no researching, just me and my beloved Pinterest. ;) haha. Oh yeah, I'm obsessed with that thing, "pinning" a thousand items I may or may not ever use (but hopefully I will). On an awesome note I've lost 7 pounds thus far - so at least I met my "monthly goal" and I totally ate MyBerry for lunch yesterday.  How are YOU doing?? I'm still walking but most of the time I just feel like passing out and laying there for 20 minutes instead of walking, walking is stupid and I hate it. I wish I could just run so at least I'd feel like I'm doing something REAL... walking just seems like nothing. Especially 20 minutes a day. I'm a wimp. I wish I could get points for yelling - I sure do that enough during the day, I'd be a size 2 in about a month. Or maybe getting slapped in the face by kids... I definitely have that going on... I could probably swing a size 6 in a month if I could lose weight that way. PEOPLE! Get ahold of your kids ... seriously, I do not get paid enough for this. Just spank'em on the way in and tell'em what for.

Okay enough of my complaints... I get it, I'm the only one that can do anything about it. So I have no real "research" for you tonight. I'm working on a Coconut Oil experiment for you so I'll have that info coming at you soon.

Instead I have this....THINGS I'M GOING TO DO THIS WEEK & NEXT WEEK
(1) DRINK MORE WATER (I went downhill fast on that one)
(2) EAT MORE VEGGIES
(3) WALK 30 MINUTES, rather than 20
(4) YELL LESS

Day 17

Wheat Germ... sounds weird, right? Well you should march right down to the store and get you a big ole jar of this weird stuff... I'm just sayin. It's ubber healthy and you know me... I'm about to tell you why.

It contains OCTACOSANOL (very few foods contain this) and it's been known to:
- lower cholesterol
- quicken reflexes
- spark alertness
- enhance performance, endurance and stamina
- improve oxygen utilization
- balance metabolism
- improve energy storage in muscles
- increase ability to handle stress

Wheat Germ is the highest food in VITAMIN E COMPLEX (including all three tocopherols):
- Tocopherols are natural antioxidants that help prevent heart disease, cancer and aging.
- Vitamin E protects muscles, blood, lungs & eyes
- strengthens immune system
- prevents blood clots

Wheat Germ is one of the highest foods in VITAMIN B COMPLEX
- good for your metabolism
- helps with handling stress
- this vitamin is needed for energy, digestion, nerves, muscles, skin, hair, organs, growth and repair of tissues, etc.

Wheat Germ is super rich in PROTEIN
- carries minerals and other nutrients to cells
- tissue repair

Wheat Germ contains FOLIC ACID
- prevent neural-tube birth defects
- reduces a compound in your body (homocysteine) which will help reduce the risk of heart disease, osteoporosis bone fractures and dementia

Wheat Germ is also a great source for fiber (which satisfies that appetite!) , iron and zinc - it's a health food POWERHOUSE! Get some! Literally.... now, go get some.

Now that I've sold you on the goods let me let you in on a few little tips. It will go bad quickly (especially when raw)... it should smell like toasted nuts. If it is unopened it will keep for about a year. If opened, keep it in the fridge for up to 9 months. You can add wheat germ to pretty much anything, seriously. You can add it to any baked good, including breads by replacing 0.5-1 cup of flour with it (you may want to add 1-2 TBSP of water for every 1/4cup of wheat germ you add to a recipe due to it's tendency to absorb moisture). It's also a great lower-fat alternative to granola so you can throw it in your yogurt and cereals. You can also bread chicken with it! I've done it - I mix it (instead of crushed up crackers) with some Italian dressing mix and bread my chicken with it... mmmm!

Now, before I go watch my shows I'm gonna share one super recipe with you...
Blend 1 frozen banana, 1 cup milk (you can use soy if you like), 1/4 cup smooth PB, 1/4 cup wheat germ, 2 TBSP of your favorite seedless jelly.
And yes I can actually eat this for those of you that know of my phobia of bananas... frozen and blended isn't so horrid. :)

Goodnight folks, hope you learned your lesson and decided to add WHEAT GERM to everything!

Day 15-16

Hello from my couch. I just ate an Oreo. Okay... I'm not gonna play games with you - I ate more than one Oreo. I lose. But for real today was crazy. I think the parents of the children in my care decided to serve soda and sugar for breakfast... those kids were all hyped up and just smacking each other around... seriously, it was like WWE. Ridiculous. They need help, and so did I... thus the Oreos. I've GOT to find a better way to relax/reward myself. Any suggestions? I totally need some. I mean I had a rough day so I thought "hey I deserve a cookie" (or two) right?? WRONG... genius go take a hot bubble bath and read your kindle. That's what I should have been doing. So I decide to enter the wonderful world of Google and find lists on "ways to reward yourself without food" (it is already there so I'm apparently not the only emotional eater out there). Here are a few I quite like...

 (1) Take a day off - really off. Do only things you truly want to do. (this is an AHmazing concept!)
 (2) Schedule time to read a book - without interruptions. (no interruptions - what's that!?! well, I'll find out)
 (3) Subscribe to a magazine you want - you'll be reminded monthly of your reward.
 (4) Sleep in. (oooohhhh yes!)
 (5) Get a massage (heck to the yeah!)
 (6) Give yourself a pedi/mani (FREEBIES, definitely awesome)
 (7) Allow yourself to say "no" to something you normally wouldn't. (this is MAJOR for me!)
 (8) Spring for something you want and don't need.
 (9) Get a new hair style. (or just have someone else wash & style it for you)
(10) Spend an afternoon window shopping.
(11) Upgrade your workout wardrobe (meaning chuck those baggy clothes) ... well, maybe one day.
(12) Buy iTunes and add to workout playlist
(13) Throw a dinner party (or game night!) and cook healthy for all your friends (um LOVE this!)
(14) Splurge on a hot new pair of jeans (ok, I will when I lose like 30 more pounds!)
(15) Buy a sexy new bra (that fits!)

How do you reward yourself? Because you definitely should. Just so you know.... one day (within this year) I will be walking around well rested, flipping my beautiful new hair do and jammin' to my fully stocked iPod, of course lookin hot in my new jeans (with my sexy bra on) planning my night with friends while lazily window shopping ON MY DAY OFF :) Now, I like the sound of that.

Day 14

I tried to make today better than Day 13... seriously I did. Then I went and forgot my healthy packed lunch, so what did I do?? I went to McDonalds.... blah! Seriously?? Yes, seriously. I felt like I was eating a huge vat of hydrogenated oil with some lard on the side. It was gross, it was definitely not worth it. Anyways, I'm disappointed in myself and made a vow to (1) Not forget my lunch, and (2) If I ever do forget my lunch I'm going to find something more healthy than fast food sloppiness.

Needless to say, Day 14 didn't suck, but I plan on doing better tomorrow. This evening I stood in front of my bathroom mirror naked and gave my Flabby McFlabberson self a pep talk, that always seems to help matters. Now I'm going to go snuggle up and read my book (and NOT have a late night snack - because that is soooo beyond bad for you) - have I mentioned that you should buy the book Slim to None... because you should. I'm enthralled. But before I stick my nose in my kindle I must leave you with some sort of weight-loss related advice.

Here it be...
So today I had a few friends give me some ideas of things to research/write about for myself and for you guys out there reading in Neverland. Today I decided to do "NEGATIVE CALORIE FOODS"... hmmm what's what you say? Negative calories... sounds interesting doesn't it. It was explained to me as a food that takes more calories to digest than calories it will add to your daily intake. However... the more I research the less I believe in the so-called "negative" calorie foods. Apparently there is no "scientific evidence" proving this to be true, only that the foods claimed to fall under this category are very low calorie foods and can aid in weight loss and a healthy diet. The only thing that can really fall under the negative calorie concept is WATER, that's right ... good ole H2O, but seeing as how it doesn't off any real dietary sustenance then it isn't considered a negative calorie food. But if you are still interested in the low calorie veggies and fruits I'll give you a little list (I love lists)...

"Negative Calorie" Veggies:
asparagus, beet root, broccoli,
cabbage, carrot, cauliflower,
celery, chicory, hot chili,
cucumber, garden cress, garlic,
garlic, green beans, lettuce,
onion, radish, spinach,
turnip, zucchini

"Negative Calorie" Fruits:
apple, blueberries, cantaloupe,
cranberry, grapefruit, honeydew,
lemon/lime, mango, orange,
papaya, peach, pineapple,
raspberry, strawberry, tomato,
tangerine, watermelon

And if you just don't trust my spectacular researching skills head on over to http://www.fatfreekitchen.com/negative-calorie-foods.html   or
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negative_calorie_food
and see for yourself :)

Day 13 was definitely unlucky

A little down in the dumps today... only down 1 pound this week ... I may as well have gained 5 back with the disappointment I feel. It's ridiculous I know, but it's how I feel so I'm trying to be honest. I had a "free meal" Saturday so I'm sure that didn't help the scales any this morning. After standing at a restaurant for an hour waiting for a table and then being served the best steak I've EVER eaten you better believe I ate it up.

I started a new book today on my kindle, it's called Slim to None and it's pretty much amazing. I adore it already - it's funny, it's quirky and it's real. Here is a little snippet that made me one with Abbie (the main character)...

"I guess I always just figured I was more than my sum parts. Sure, I'm overweight. But I'm so much more than a bunch of blubber. I'm a smart woman with skills and intelligence and I'm friendly and nice and - I have really good qualitiies. Can someone tell me why all of these characteristics seem to be cancelled otu just because I'm fat? Fat equals invisible at best, repugnant at worse. An in reality, I could be thin and beautiful and be a hateful person - maybe a supermodel who throws phones at people and beats staffers who covet her jeans -- yet that seems to be more valued than all that I have to offer. Simply because of my physical appearance."

Anyways, you should check it out. It's life changing.

I think today I'm just plain sad. I've decided it's time to say goodbye to two people that have meant the absolute world to me in the past and I am pretty sure it's affecting my whole mood. I know that seems silly... but it's true. So basically I just want to find a big peanut buttery chock full of graham cracker crust french vanilla-ie cold stone masterpiece and stuff my face. But I'm not. I'm sitting here on the couch with my family around me and trying not to let this bring me down. Because if I do let myself eat that sinful mass of calories then I will feel worse.

Clint is being super awesome and telling me how great I am and how hard I am trying and not to let this get me down about "everything" including my weight loss and blogging efforts. He is such a good support system for me... without him I'd be lost. And although I don't have any real advice for you tonight (or myself) I'm just going to say get yourself a cheerleader, an encourager, a friend... someone to be there when it gets tough and you get mad enough to throw your clothes at the wall because you think they make you look like a stuffed sausage or you walk around yelling random insults at everything because you feel so terrible inside... find someone to make it all okay. That's my Clint. He is there and he tells me I'm beautiful, and for the first time in my whole life I feel like someone actually believes it.

Days 10, 11, 12

Woah... 2 days just flew by just like that! We had a lot going on here in the Lorek household so I had to put the blog on hold for a few days. So to update you on  the goings on of Jillian... walking, yeah - just walking, is kicking my butt. I mean I think to myself why is walking so exhausting - I thought I walked all day... but I guess 20 straight minutes of walking "briskly" is different. It's ridiculous, I feel ridiculous. Anyways, I'm trying not to wallow in humility and just power through it. I'm having some problems with my knee lately (before the walking started) so that is definitely making my walks tougher. I'm also getting shin splits and those hurt like the dickens... so basically I'm just a walking blubber mass of complaints, aches and pains. But one day.... ONE DAY... I'll be the striking slender legged picture of grace and it will feel awesome to run... one day.

I'm getting bored with my snacks... so I've been reasearching some snacks that are weight loss friendly and I figured maybe you are bored with your snacks too.... so I thought I'd share.

- Trail mix! (don't forget those pumpkin seeds!) ... make sure that it's full of dried fruit and nuts. Dried banana chips and sesame sticks contain hydrogenated oils that can trans-contaminate other items in your mix, so stay away from those!

- Slow release snack foods, meaning foods that won't cause a big rise in blood sugar (meaning you won't be hungry again soon after)... avacados, meat, poultry, eggs, salad vegetables, fish and cheese.

- About an ounce of nuts is a great snack. Hazelnuts & Almonds are lowest in saturated fat. Macadamia & Hazelnuts are highest in monounsaturated fat (this is a good thing!). Pistachios & Macadamia are highest in fiber (about 3 grams per oz). Walnuts have the most omega-3 fatty acids (also a good thing!).

-  Oats and oat bran. Make a batch of oatmeal flavored with low-fat milk, a little vanilla extract and cinnamon in the microwave, or freeze a batch of blueberry oat bran muffins so you can grab one when you need a quick afternoon pickup.

- Make it portable... some of these fruits can be combined with yogurt, cereal & milk or cream cheese to make a more balanced snack. Try cherries, grapefruit, kiwi, oranges, peaches, pears, plums, strawberries, cantaloupe.

- Snacks should be 150-200 calories. Try half a whole wheat bagel with a reduced fat slice of cheddar instead of a whole bagel.

- Eat slowly, it takes your brain 20 minutes to register you are full, give your brain some time to register that message!

What are some of your favorite snacks???????

Day 9 and doin' fine :)

I met Day 9 with a massive headache... and although I am on the mend I cannot tell if my head aches because I am sick OR from the lack of caffeine, sugar, fat and just plain food going into my body. My body is like WHAT THE HECK is going on... but we like it and it's worth it. I have definitely noticed a decrease in hunger as the day goes by, but I am maintaining my snacks and eating every couple of hours. My portions are waaay smaller than I have ever had before, and it's working out because I'm full a lot sooner. It's actually quite amazing. I'm seriously impressed with myself. It's nice to know I don't have to starve myself to lose weight. And I can even eat most of the things I want, I just have to watch how much of it I eat. I haven't stepped on the scale... although it's really hard because I REALLY really want to. I guess that may be the worst part of losing weight... wanting it to happen a lot faster than it does. I mean everyone wants to see results, right?! My hardest time of day is NOW... when Clint is resting before work and Renn is down for the night and it's just me... my blog... my shows... whatever I want - it's my "me" time. It's super awesome to have, but for some reason this time makes me just want to snack. There is no real reason for it, I'm not even hungry.... maybe my body is just on a 2-3 hour snacking schedule and this is about 2 hours after I ate my dinner. A friend of mine shared that she just goes to the Victoria Secret website and looks around when she wants to snack at night and that works for her. I'll have to find something that works for me.

So my "health-related" tip for today is about drinking your 8 glasses of water... sometimes it can be pretty difficult and sometimes you might feel like you are drowning, personally, I feel bad for all the potty breaks I have to take. Regardless of all that, it's totally worth it. Do you even know why you are suppose to drink that much water?? Or do you think it's just healthy? Well, I'm here to tell you that it's more than JUST healthy. Here's the "why":
- Your endocrine glad function improves.
- Fluid retention is alleviated as stored water is lost.
- More fat is used a fuel because the liver is is free to metabolize stored fat.
- There is a loss of hunger almost overnight.

Here is a special little tidbit for all my overweight friends (and of course myself) ... did you know that you need an EXTRA glass of water for every 25 pounds you are overweight?!?!?! WHAT!?!? Oh yes...

So you need to re-think your water intake strategy? Well here are a few nifty ways to get that water in your belly:
- Use a straw, you take bigger gulps and you'll drink much more.
- Freeze little bits of peeled limes, lemons and oranges, it's refreshing and you can get in your fruits!
- Make yourself drink so many glasses before you allow yourself a diet soda.
- Drink water while you get ready in the morning and set a goal - try to drink 2-3 glasses before you leave for work.
- Always have your refillable water bottle handy and drink at down times, like in the car, while waiting in line, while watching TV, etc.
- When you have a junk food craving down a glass of water, it will fill you up and help the craving fade away.
- Sip water throughout meals and with snacks, it will help you eat less.

I hope that helps you guys as much as it's helping me! Like I said, it can be really hard but it's definitely worth it. I know I'll do whatever it takes not to add any excess flab to my belly, stored water no thank you!

PS- Thank you guys so much for your helpful tips and tricks on Day 8. As for the WINNER of the giveaway " Supermarket Survival Guide: Eat This, Not That" I put all the commenter's names in a hat and drew one... the AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL winner is: Renee Swanson! I hope you can get some great info out of this book - I know I definitely have. FB me your mailing address and I will get the book to you :)

Day 8

Hello beautiful friends,Today I took a sick day... like from work, from life, from exercising... from everything. But I still wanted to post something today and I hope you'll forgive the lack of chit-chat. I thought I'd throw some helpful little tips out there to you (mainly I am posting them to remind myself!) and hopefully you will find them as interesting and helpful as I did :)

• Researchers found that not only does milk do a better job rehydrating the body that water or sports drinks but that chocolate milk repairs muscles 40% faster than plain milk. Personally, I just stocked up on some Organic Valley Chocolate Lowfat Milk at Whole Foods... go getcha some!
• Wisk some avocado oil together with a spoonful of Dijon and fresh lemon, then drizzle over a salad to increase your absorption of fat-soluble nutrients found in vegetables.
• Want to add the health benefits of whole wheat (like fiber and vitamin E) to the things you bake? Swap white whole wheat flour for half the white flour in any recipe (muffin, pancake, or any baked good)
• Go find some broccoli SPROUTS - these have 20x more cancer fighting sulforaphane than their grown-up counterparts. Use them on sandwiches or in your salads and soups.
• Stick to Nestle Toll House when it comes to cookie dough... Pillsbury likes to scatter trans fats and other big bad oils.
• Worst candy bar = Twix! It has MORE THAN HALF the USDA's daily consumption recommendations for saturated fats, it's equivalent to eating 11 strips of bacon. Go eat a 100 Grand instead, trust me.
• You should get some Edy's Loaded Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup ice cream in your freezer ASAP. Edy's is made from skim milk and has about HALF the CALORIES and FAT of most other major brands! Extra tip - use a small spoon and small bowl to serve yourself, researchers show that people eat up to 40% less ice cream when using that helpful little trick.
• Worst soda = Sunkist! You could eat 17 Chewy Chips Ahoy! cookies and get the same amount of calories and sugar! To burn that off you'd need to ride your bike 7 miles. Burn that one into your brain before you decide to grab a Sunkist.
• Add pumpkin seeds to your salad or trail mix, they contain magnesium. By adding more magnesium to your diet you can slash the risk of diabetes by 23%.
• Quinoa... never heard of it.... well go get some, it's one of the HEALTHIEST FOODS ON THE PLANET! It's chock full of healthy fats and protein and makes the perfect substitute for brown rice. Tip: Before you cook it rinse quinoa to remove any bitter coating. To deepen the nutty flavor toast it in a skillet for a minute or two with a little bit of oil over low heat. Then boil away.
• Sweeteners... stay away from Equal and  NutraSweet - they have been shown to cause problems such as headaches, dizziness, sleep problems and memory loss. Sweet 'N Low - use to have a label that warned consumers  about cancer risks and has more recently showed a link to weight gain. What should you use? Splenda - it's the safest of all the artificial sweeteners on the market. Stevia - it's an all-natural, zero calorie sweetener that is 300x sweeter than sugar! Molasses - each tablespoon contains more than 10% of your daily calcium, iron manganese AND potassium... um I don't know about you but I'm getting some molasses in my belly! And Honey... well honey gives your body natural energy... and you just can't beat that.
• What's the veggie and fruit color code?? Blues & Purples (blueberries, blackberries, purple graves, plums, eggplant, raisins) keep your memory sharp and reduce the risks of many types of cancer. Greens (kiwi, honeydew, spinach, broccoli, romaine lettuce, Brussels sprouts, cabbage) protect your bones, your teeth and your eyesight. Whites (pears, bananas, mushrooms, cauliflower, onions, garlic) lower the bad cholesterol and reduce the risk of heart disease. Reds (watermelons, strawberries, raspberries, cranberries, cherries, tomatoes, radishes, red apples) help prevent Alzheimer's disease and improve blood flow to your heart. Yellows & Oranges (oranges, grapefruit, peaches, cantaloupe, mangoes, pineapple, squash, carrots) boost your immune system and help prevent eye disease.

Okay so.... AWESOME info right?!?! Well, here is my first BLOG GIVEAWAY!!!!! What? Oh yes, BLOG GIVEAWAY! Comment below with your very own tip and one of you will win The "Supermarket Survival Guide: Eat This, Not That" book that has these and soooooo many more nifty little food tips.

Day 7

Today was decent... I felt pretty good about the things I ate... well moreso HOW MUCH of it I ate. I knocked all my portions by about half and still felt pretty awesome, and not hungry, which is even more awesome. It rained today and was just plain messy outside, so I felt that it was best not to walk outside in the rain... seeing as how I'm already sick. So I did my walking inside. I know that eventually I need to do a little better than 20 minutes walks... but just give me some time and I'll get there - I have to get to "gazelle level" first, remember??

Water is my new best friend, ice cold water is AHMAZING... did you know that it help can you lose weight JUST by drinking ice cold water because your body has to burn energy just to get it to a higher temperature. It's not much but every little bit helps - I mean I'll take all the help I can get. Check this out - if you drink EIGHT 8oz ICE cold glasses of water a day your body will burn 70 calories. I mean I only burned like 130 calories walking for 20 minutes,  heck I'll stand around and drink ICE cold water any day!

So here is your homework if you are working with me here.... go hunt down memory lane for some old photos. Yeah, whip out those high school or college photos and pick some really good ones of yourself - ones when you felt good about how you looked. As I looked through my pictures I realized that I looked pretty dang good in ALL my OLD photos compared to now, I was like wow I thought I was a heifer then - HA! what was I thinking... if only I could have seen into the future. Anyways... back on track - so take some old photos of yourself that you love and put them in specific places. By specific I mean on the refrigerator door, in front of the pantry, on the bathroom mirror, near your scale, etc... places that will make you stop and take notice of what you want to get back to. Every time you reach for fridge door dreaming of chocolate chip cookie dough you will FREEZE and think "I'll never look like this again if I don't walk away". Well, maybe you won't think that... but I sure do. Some people like to put pictures of their "fat" selves up, but I mean... who wants to look at that - I wanna see what I WILL look like in 1 year, not something depressing. So that's it for tonight folks, get on it.

PS- where are all my song suggestions and followers?? I mean I thought you people were reading this! ;)

Day 6 - can't beat it!

Lost 5 WHOLE pounds..WHHHAT!?!? Oh yeah... uh huh... Yessss :) Okay, I'm done doing my happy dance now... I promise.

So it's Sunday, Day 6 and it's been slightly successful. Tomorrow I begin my 20 minute walks and hopefully that will make week 2 slightly more successful. Hey, it could happen. Me and the kiddo seem to be sick so it may prove to be harder than I'd like... but we will see. Speaking of my 20 minute walks I have a handy-dandy iTunes gift card I'd like to spend on a new "pump-me-up-slim-me-down" mix.... so any awesome song suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Just list them below and I'll think you're awesome.

This week I found out from my doctor that I have a Vitamin D deficiency and then I found out from my mom that it runs in the family, fantastic. So, I did a little research and found that a Vitamin D deficiency could lead to OBESITY... which is what I am, obese, like morbidly. So maybe this hefty dose of Vitamin D I'm on will lead to SLIM-SITY, haha. Okay, well maybe not but that could be awesome. Because of what Vitamin D does in your body it helps maintain a healthy metabolism of blood sugar and fat. It also improves insulin resistance which helps prevent type 2 Diabetes. It ALSO boosts your immune system (we all know that I need a good boost in that department)... this little Vitamin D has SUPERPOWERS! So basically I'm glad the good doctor caught it and I am able to get some prescription strength, she was like "It's low, like really, really, really low"... I said "Like 3 reallys worth of low" and she didn't think it was funny, but it was. So now I'm secretly telling my little Vitamin D muscle men to run and kick all my fat out. It's ridiculous I know.

Okay - so this is how you SUPPORT me today :) you go ahead and comment below and give me a few songs for my "pump-me-up-slim-me-down" mix and THEN you go and "JOIN THIS SITE" it's right there, the little button on the right of my blurb- basically you are "FOLLOWING" me on this blog. And that way you will get an email when I post something and you can head on over and read about all the crazy things I'm figuring out on this weight loss journey of mine.

Hope you had a great weekend! Thanks for reading :)

PS- I LOST 5 POUNDS... oh yeah... mmm hmmm!

Day 5

Well since today is Saturday and all (well that and the fact that I'm sick and blogging in between naps) you get a double whammy - Day 4 and Day 5 posted within hours of each other. Today I am making my MENU for two weeks and my SHOPPING LIST... two things that are VERY hard when dieting. I am using some of the recipes you've shared with me so I will post the recipe and my thoughts as I try them :) But I'm hoping that this is also difficult for some of you out there so we can help each other out with little snippets of info. Or so I can help you out by letting you know that Harris Teeter has their boneless, skinless chicken breasts on sale - buy one, get TWO free! I just saved like $50 on chicken! Go there, get some. On another note - I just watched this really helpful video about foods you should not eat vs foods you should eat and why - it was life changing, really. So I thought I'd throw this helpful info your way... if you want to see for yourself you can visit the website it's called Beyond Diet.

Foods to AVOID: hydrogenated oils, canola/veggie oil, margarine, substitute fake butter, high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, soy products, granola, orange juice, whole wheat bread, healthy cereals, low fat muffins

The REASON: These foods actually inhibit your ability to burn fat. Some of them turn to sugar in your system like whole wheat bread, OJ and healthy cereals... that's what they don't advertise. When this happens it increased your body's blood sugar which makes your body produce insulin... which tells your body to store fat = not what we want! Some of these foods are not "real" foods like substitute fake butter and artificial sweeteners. If you can't understand the ingredients your body can't either, which means your body doesn't know what to do with it. Your liver breaks down what you eat and decides what to do with it as well as getting rid of waste. If you put all this junk in your body it gets too busy getting rid of the waste and just decides to stick that hunk of fat on your thigh instead of distributing the fat throughout your body for energy... because it's easier. So try not to bombard your liver with junk, that way it has time to distribute the good for you stuff. I mean that sounds easy enough, Right?

Stuff you want to EAT: real butter, whole eggs, olive oil, coconut oil, nuts, steak, chicken, rice, sweet potatoes, bacon, fruits and veggies.

The REASON: it's GOOD for you and your body knows just what to do with it! Of course you need to maintain some sort of portion control but still stick with the real foods, the foods that have ONE ingredient.

So maybe this will help with your meal planning and grocery list making. You should definitely make a meal plan by the way - you don't want to get home from work and just throw something together... you want good healthy, scrumptious choices.

That's all for now folks, any questions??

Day Four - I hit the floor

Quite literally. I feel like death. Which is why I'm posting this Saturday morning instead of Friday night. I FINALLY got home at 9pm... laid on the floor to play with Renn, ended up almost sleeping on his fluffy "Duck Duck" and it pretty much took everything in me to get up. I'm sick - I have this sinus crap and I feel like my head is going to implode. Anyways I didn't do BAD yesterday but I didn't do GOOD either, I just kind of did okay. I didn't eat breakfast and I had ice cream for lunch - because my throat hurt so bad. Today, I will definitely eat better it just probably still will not be as much. No little quirky comments today, folks. I'm barely pumping this little blurb out to you. I will write this evening as Day 5 unfolds. Keep the recipes coming! And try to put them in the comments of this BLOG post rather than FB so the people that are reading the BLOG can have access to them. I will post recipes in my blog as I begin to try them (starting tomorrow probably). Love you all for sticking with me!

Day Three to get ready, now go

Hello Thursday evening! One day until the weekend - thank Heaven! Today was significantly better - I took healthy snacks to work to snack on every couple of hours and that definitely helped. Of course these kids keep me so busy I don't even have time to eat a full snack. And I most certainly did NOT forget to eat my breakfast this morning! So while I was outside today - supposedly supervising children play - aka "zoning out" ;) - I decided I was going to start walking about 20 minutes a day on my lunch break. I'm sure I'll be ridiculously winded at first and getting all sorts of cramps and pains in weird places... so if you happen upon me while I'm out walking - don't honk or acknowledge me at all - just mentally high-five me and keep on your merry little way. Then 362 days from now you can say "I saw you out walking and you looked like a penguin, but now you look like a gazelle". And I will.

Something I'm having a hard time with are my meals. I love to cook... and I love to use butter, real butter, and loads of cheese...mmmm... and noddles, and well you get the picture. I pretty much cook with everything you are not suppose to eat when trying to shed half a person in pounds. I need RECIPES!! So share you favorite healthy recipes in the comment section below and help me out, heck you'll probably help a few people out. My problem is I am a super picky eater and all the "good for you" stuff is stuff I do not like. No, really it tastes nasty. Like peppers, mushrooms, cauliflower, yogurt, spinach and most fruits... see it's a little annoying. How do I eat healthy when I truly, honestly just don't like the food? Blah - a roadblock I will have to prepare my fat little legs to leap over.

Day Two was not hot

Today sucked... I'm not even gonna lie. I stepped on the scales this morning and it said I gained 2 pounds. I started my P... I forgot breakfast, like totally just forgot about it. So I was starving and completely devoured my lunch in about 5 seconds - not healthy. The kids at work are going to make me have a nervous breakdown before I hit 30. So I had a Cherry Pepsi with dinner... and then I had a few peanut butter cookies to make myself feel better about my horrible no good day. And you know what I discovered... they didn't really help me feel better - they made me feel worse. I hated myself after I consumed those delectable cookies. Dumb. So I'm going to drink the rest of my water for the day (doing good on that by the way 80oz a day and all) and go to bed. Yes, it is 7:20pm and I don't care. My husband is wonderful and willing to look out for our son and I'm just going to re-evaluate myself in my dreams tonight. Tomorrow will be better.

Day Uno

The way I look in my pants is why I'm doing this. What I see in the side view mirror of my car when I catch a glimpse of my cascading chin or my stark white hunk of arm fat is why I'm doing this. I have let myself go. I am a whale. I say that as I drink my Cherry 7up and eat my Cool Ranch Doritos. But hey - one thing at a time, right?! I went to 1 soda a day and I'm not snacking on junk food - hey the Doritos are part of my lunch - don't judge me! No, I take that back... do judge me. I am the reason I am like this - I totally deserve to be judged, smacked in the face and then made to stand in a bikini in public. (a sight you do not was to witness) My hands are fat, my elbows are fat, my feet are fat... this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and said - "it's over blubber butt!". So here we are - I'm going to loose 75 pounds in 365 days, the end. That may not sound like very much to all you skinnies out there but to me that is a mountain. I'm going to keep this journal of my journey and if you'd like to read along I'd love to entertain you with my silly antics, recipes I make myself eat and daily opinions of my saggy belly.