Day 13 was definitely unlucky

A little down in the dumps today... only down 1 pound this week ... I may as well have gained 5 back with the disappointment I feel. It's ridiculous I know, but it's how I feel so I'm trying to be honest. I had a "free meal" Saturday so I'm sure that didn't help the scales any this morning. After standing at a restaurant for an hour waiting for a table and then being served the best steak I've EVER eaten you better believe I ate it up.

I started a new book today on my kindle, it's called Slim to None and it's pretty much amazing. I adore it already - it's funny, it's quirky and it's real. Here is a little snippet that made me one with Abbie (the main character)...

"I guess I always just figured I was more than my sum parts. Sure, I'm overweight. But I'm so much more than a bunch of blubber. I'm a smart woman with skills and intelligence and I'm friendly and nice and - I have really good qualitiies. Can someone tell me why all of these characteristics seem to be cancelled otu just because I'm fat? Fat equals invisible at best, repugnant at worse. An in reality, I could be thin and beautiful and be a hateful person - maybe a supermodel who throws phones at people and beats staffers who covet her jeans -- yet that seems to be more valued than all that I have to offer. Simply because of my physical appearance."

Anyways, you should check it out. It's life changing.

I think today I'm just plain sad. I've decided it's time to say goodbye to two people that have meant the absolute world to me in the past and I am pretty sure it's affecting my whole mood. I know that seems silly... but it's true. So basically I just want to find a big peanut buttery chock full of graham cracker crust french vanilla-ie cold stone masterpiece and stuff my face. But I'm not. I'm sitting here on the couch with my family around me and trying not to let this bring me down. Because if I do let myself eat that sinful mass of calories then I will feel worse.

Clint is being super awesome and telling me how great I am and how hard I am trying and not to let this get me down about "everything" including my weight loss and blogging efforts. He is such a good support system for me... without him I'd be lost. And although I don't have any real advice for you tonight (or myself) I'm just going to say get yourself a cheerleader, an encourager, a friend... someone to be there when it gets tough and you get mad enough to throw your clothes at the wall because you think they make you look like a stuffed sausage or you walk around yelling random insults at everything because you feel so terrible inside... find someone to make it all okay. That's my Clint. He is there and he tells me I'm beautiful, and for the first time in my whole life I feel like someone actually believes it.