The HOW

Hello beautiful friends,
Over the last few days I've had several people ask me for advice, for tips/tricks or just plain "how are you doing it!?!" ... it's pretty awesome for people to come to you for things like that. Honestly, it makes me feel like a rockstar. So thanks for that.
As you know by now... I did the Advocare 24 Day Challenge in July - it's expensive and I know a lot of people just can't put that type of money into something that lasts 24 days - it was around $215 with shipping and tax. I know, believe me. My suggestion to those of you that can't is to at least GET THE HERBAL CLEANSE! It's about $30 and it's a gentle 10 day cleanse... I lost 14 pounds on the cleanse alone - WORTH IT. I will warn you that the fiber drink is ridiculous and I definitely have some tricks up my sleeve to get that down... so let me know if you do get it and what to know more about that. My other suggestion - get the peaches and cream flavor - not citrus.

Another thing that has been instrumental in my weight loss journey is MYFITNESSPAL... I have it as an app on my phone - you can also just do it online, but that's a little more difficult. It's eye opening. You can keep up with your calorie intake, your exercise, your weight/measurements and your friends! If you join make sure and add me: JillianLorek and OPEN YOUR DIARY (it's in your settings) - it really does help more because you know that other people are looking at the things you eat. I average about 1050-1150 calories per day - but once you enter your info it will tell you what your max should be (frankly - you should ignore it and eat about 200-400 less than that) but it's a maximum -make sure you look at it like that. You can look at weekly and daily goals, you can look at a pie graph in order to keep your carbs/fats/proteins in check and you can encourage your friends ... great tools to utilize! Do it.

Vitamins/Suppliments. Currently I take the Advocare Max 3 pack every other day and on the "off" days I take my own mix of vitamins I purchased at CVS (buy one get one free - it's the way to go). Here is what I take:

Women's Multivitamin

B Complex

Calcium Plus (minerals)

Fish Oil 

So... I included these ridiculous pictures because it does help to read the label and know that you are getting enough of the right vitamins and minerals. Make sure that you take note of the "serving size" because at times it is more than one pill. And let me tell you a little something about FISH OIL - it's actually pretty important. It can help with hunger as well - I take 2 with breakfast and 2 with dinner. Get it in.

My schedule. My schedule is soooooooooooooo important. I stick to it, without fail. It helps me to have a schedule - it also helps to be prepared in case your schedule ever gets messed up for reasons beyond your control. Stick a protein bar in your purse and keep it there, when you eat it - replace it. You should never have an excuse to overeat at a meal and skipping meals or going too long in between eating COULD be an "excuse"...  "oh I didn't eat lunch because my meeting ran over"... well if you had that protein bar you wouldn't have needed seconds at dinner. Don't let being unprepared be a reason you binge. So here is my day in a nutshell...

• I wake at 5:45 and by 6:20 I have consumed my Spark drink (more on that in a minute)
• 30 mins after my Spark I drink a protein shake (around 6:50-7:00)
• 9:30ish I eat a protein bar (or some type of snack)
• 12:30ish I eat lunch 
• 2:30ish I drink another Spark
• 3:30ish I eat a small snack 
• 6:00 I eat dinner
• 8:30-9:00 I eat a SMALL snack (like a small tablespoon of PB or 0.5-1oz of cheese)

My Spark drink is made by Advocare - it's an energy drink packed with B vitamins and minerals - it's a complete metabolism booster and gives you good, clean energy. You can get a tub of it from Advocare for about $50 which has 42 servings - my favorite is the Fruit Punch flavor. 

Stacy William's Advocare distributor:

https://www.advocare.com/130745246/Store/ItemDetail.aspx?itemCode=99050&id=A&flavor=b

You can order right from this link!

For my protein shake I mix

8oz of almond milk + 1/2 scoop of whey protein powder + 2 scoops of Body by Vi shake mix

Generally for lunch and dinner I have mostly chicken and vegetables, every now and then I'll eat whole grains - maybe once every 1.5-2 weeks. And remember that WHOLE GRAINS not whole wheat there IS a difference. Whole wheat is a LOT of sugar - avoid that. Look for whole grain breads and pastas. You want to avoid the "whites" as much as possible - breads, pastas, rice and potatoes. Brown rice, Quinoa and sweet potatoes are much better choices - choose wisely. You also want to watch what you drink - avoid sweet drinks and sodas - if  you must drink tea sweeten it with Splenda. Another little tid bit of info - an evening snack before bed is GOOD. Really, if you don't do this your body goes too long without food... I was nervous to do this at first - thinking why eat if I'm not hungry but that little bit of food really does help the weight come off - it sends your metabolism running. One last picture... these are the protein bars I eat (I get them at Sam's Club).

Some of you have asked about recipes - PINTEREST - for real ya'll, go there and search. Add me or if I'm already on yours go to my boards "Eating Better" or "Vegg Out" for some of the recipes I use. I'm a fan of chicken marinades, vegetable soup, zucchini chips, cauliflower pizza, and Cheese & Broccoli Quinoa - those are some of my favorites - if you want any recipes just message me.

Now - I know most of you have heard all of these things before if you've ever tried to lose weight... but trust me - IT CAN WORK. Don't allow yourself to make excuses!! If it's important to you YOU WILL FIND A WAY, if it's not you'll find an excuse. There is always a way. I will be here 100% to help you if you need anything. This is something that has become VERY important to me - my life has changed dramatically and I feel absolutely amazing. I want to share it with everyone I know because my eyes have been opened and now it seems so easy. My Journey began on July 15th and here I am just over 2 months later down

43.7 pounds

that's pretty crazy, right?! Guess what... if I can do it YOU can do it! Let's get it done.

You're beautiful, every little piece, love.

"But here's the thing: once you know that it's really not about the food, you are set free in a way. You realize, that if the second cupcake never made you any happier than the first, if you never felt more content after three slices of pizza that you did after two, then you can decide to stop when you've enjoyed all you can of a food, of a moment. So much of the same reason we continue to eat past fullness is tied to not wanting a feeling to be over, not wanting to lose out on fleeting joy. the truth is that the food will make you feel joy, but treating it with respect and stopping to appreciate one big, beautiful cupcake, and not two or three, is the most loving thing you can do for yourself."
              -andie
That is a quote from the new love of my life, Andie Mitchell. She is beautiful and honest and most importantly... she has been in my shoes. She knows what it's like for people to gawk,
she knows what it's like to want to be invisible,
she knows what it's like to have your legs fall asleep when you sit cross-legged on the floor,
she knows what it's like to literally ache for a 4th, maybe 5th piece of pizza,
she knows what it's like to sweat in 70 degree weather,
she knows what it's like to dread needing new clothes,
she knows what it's like to wish people could see... past the fat that defines you.
She found the courage and the drive to change - she lost 135 pounds. She doesn't wish the first 20 years of her life were different, she doesn't regret them - she embraces them. "When you are big for 20 years, the only twenty you've ever known, you'll kindly not frown upon two decades. You'll know that who you are was formed in there, and that's beautiful...

     Hear me.

      Beautiful."

She talks about hearing the accounts of people who have lost a lot of weight - hearing them talk about their "former selves", in a "very detached way. As if the here and now is infinitely better and more lovely than the past. And maybe it is in lots of ways. But here's the thing: it was you all along". Epic.
It was me, it is me and it will be me. I WILL lose this weight, but inside I will remain beautiful, just as God created me. Losing this weight will not change who I am and it will not change the way I view the world.
 
I've only been on this "Challenge" a mere 30 days - I've had hard days, but I've had amazing days. I get frustrated and angry and cry but I have beautiful, sweet, encouraging friends and family that are there, just waiting to lift me up again. I get excited and joyful about the weight I have been able to lose and what I know lies just ahead... up over that mountain... I just have to keep on climbing. I am forever changed by this journey and what it has shown me. I do have power over food, I can say "no", I can still enjoy good food and I have been set free.

The low down

Good evening my lovelies...
My day has not gone well. Right now I'd just like to lay my head down on the table and close my eyes for a bit... I'm a little flabbergasted with life. I have been pretty emotional about some changes at work, my husband has an inflamed colon and we are waiting on more bloodwork to see if there could be anything else going on in there, my son has a stomach virus erupting out of his bottom and thought it would be a great day NOT to nap and he is...right this minute... demanding chocolate cookies, ice cream and M&Ms... after refusing to eat any real food.
So what do I do... put on a movie and walk away... mom of the year right?
Anyways... I've had LOADS of people ask me about this 24 Day Challenge I've been on so I thought I'd share on here (sorry if you already know... just skip this part). The Advocare 24 Day Challenge is a two part system... a 10 Day Herbal Cleanse and a 14 Day Max Phase. The people who thought this up are my heroes, really and truly. The general ideas is to follow the timeline - yes, it's all written out for you so no worries - and avoid things like dairy, alcohol, soda, sugar and white things. Sounds hard for those of you food junkies out there... but trust me... I was a food junkie and it was NOT hard. During the Herbal Cleanse you have a few more steps to follow - you have to drink this crazy weird fiber drink (my least favorite thing about this challenge) and take herbal cleanse tablets / probiotics. Honestly, this cleanse was very gentle - I never had an "emergency". I dropped weight pretty significantly during this phase... I lost 14 pounds... in 10 days. Most of it was water weight and "bloat" and losing that alone makes you feel like a new person. Now as I began the Max phase I got a little doubtful a few times - first off, my scale broke... then I borrowed a scale and saw that the scale wasn't moving like I had previously determined it should. But I kept eating right and staying on top of my vitamins and you know what... I finally got over that little stall and continued on to lose 8 more pounds to round it out at 22 pounds total. My favorite parts of the Challenge were the Meal Replacement Shakes and the Sparks. The MRS are optional - you only get 14 servings with your package - but I LOVED them. I thought it had a great taste and I loved that I wasn't forced to eat something in the morning. Obviously in order to get your metabolism moving you should eat a healthy breakfast soon after waking... I, for some reason, have always struggled with this - enter MRS - takes a full 5 minutes to prep and drink and I'm done for the morning :) Love it! On to my MOST favorite thing - SPARK - the new love of my life. I'm going to be 100% honest with you - the first drink, I was not a fan - it was SO strong and I was not use to the taste. Wait about 30-45 mins and you'll be a fan for life! I felt this amazing sense of awesomeness... sounds crazy I know but WOW! My husband drinks Monster energy drinks and after one Spark drink he was hooked too... he explained it as a "cleaner energy" feeling than he experienced with his other energy drinks. Sadly, again... the Challenge only comes with 14 servings and if you are like me you want 2x day for 24 days... so you'll need to order more if you want to feel FABULOUS ;) My favorite was the Fruit Punch - it tastes like fruit punch, shocking I know. A part of this Challenge that I took for granted was the Max 3 pack of vitamins/supplements. It really and truly does amazing things for your metabolism and body - so don't forget about those little pills!!!!!!!! More questions? Just ask.

Recipe Night:
So you should definitely be down for this CAULIFLOWER PIZZA CRUST
1/2 head of cauliflower, grated (about 2 1/4 cups)
1 large egg, beaten
1 cup part-skim mozzerella
2 TBSP parmesan cheese, grated
salt & pepper to taste
olive oil non-stick spray
pizza sauce
topping cheese
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Put the grated cauliflower in a large bowl (BEWARE: it smells TERRIBLE) and heat for 8 minutes in the microwave. Remove and allow to cool for a bit - then stir in egg, cheeses and salt/pepper. Prepare pan with parchment paper. Pour mixture onto pan and pat out into 10" circle, spray lightly with non-stick spray and cook for 10-15 mins until golden brown. Remove - allow to cool a bit and then top with sauce and cheese and any other toppings you would like. Cook for an additional 10 minutes. ENJOY guilt free :)

My favorite chicken marinade:
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
2 TBSP Dijon Mustard
Mix well and marinate chicken at least 4 hours. You know I like easy peasy. Then I typically broil my chicken for a more flavorful and tender experience ;)

Good night folks...

We GOT this!

Good Morning!! It's definitely a GRRREAT morning here - I hope yours is as well :) Today is the beginning of Day 21 for me ... so I have 3 days left to hit my goal of losing 20 pounds. Gifts have been promised at 20 pounds ;)  As of this morning I have lost a total of

19.3 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is ground breaking for me. Earth shattering really. The best part of it is how driven and motivated I am... STILL. Believe me I have been frustrated and sad when that stupid ole scale didn't say what I wanted it to say... or when I look in the mirror and realize my stomach doesn't look that much smaller or feel a little twinge of disappointment when no one said they could tell. But I just remind myself that every single day brings me closer to my end goal and that one day people will be able to tell.

Do you know what I realized?? I have literally gone 21 days (with the exception of my birthday dinner) with NO bread, NO pasta, NO soda, NO chocolate.... that's pretty dang good and something I would have told about 25 days ago was impossible. I haven't missed it, I haven't craved it and I have been able to turn it down in one way or another without a problem. The other day at lunch Clint offered me a crouton, one crouton and I gave him a horrible face and I said "UMMM NO that is so not worth it" ... and it isn't. I am going to add in some whole grain pastas and breads from time to time, maybe 1-2 times per week but that is something that was a real problem for me - back then, you know when I was fat ;) haha - so it was actually easier for me to avoid it than try to limit it. But I do realize that whole grains do make for a healthy, rounded diet and I am at a point that I feel that I can safely add them back in - so here goes. (And don't get crazy, yes, I know I'm still fat)
... and let's all take a moment to note that it was extremely awesome of me to go through my 31st birthday without consuming ANYTHING sweet... I'm giving myself a high five for that one.

Another part of this lifestyle change that I LOOOVE is finding out about new things to cook. I'm picky, like seriously picky... I don't like all those "good for you things" like bananas, peaches, peppers, onions, mushrooms, etc... so I have to figure out a way to sneak little extras into my diet. I have determined that I'm definitely asking Santa for a really good food processor... I need to be able to emulsify those veggies and fruits! This morning I made my very own spaghetti sauce with extra lean ground turkey to enjoy later on this week with some fresh whole grain pasta! Sounds delicious AND healthy, right?? You'd be surprised how much healthier you can be making things from scratch. Our family loves pizza... I don't know why but it's just our thing. I've been making Renn his own little pizzas so I'm not tempted to eat any... but I figured it's about time to find a pizza I can enjoy too. So tonight for dinner we are attempting cauliflower crust pizza with plain old tomato sauce + seasonings (which makes it scrumptious) and low fat cheese... we will see but I'm pretty stoked about it. One of my complaints about Advocare was that we can't really afford to do all fresh veggies week to week at our house so I was worried about using canned veggies since it's "not as healthy"... not to worry... Mrs. Dana says just dump out the can o' veggies (no added salt) in the colander and rinse with water twice - to cook put in just enough water to cover the veggies and use things like: garlic powder, onion powder, pepper, Ms Dash or splenda to season. Sounds easy enough to me! Now on to my worst nightmare... FRUIT... I seriously dislike most fruit. I think mostly it's a texture issue - bananas... they make me gag, like BAD. Yet... I need to get more fruit in my diet. So during one of my late night research moments I found out that FROZEN fruit is actually better for you than fresh fruit... because it's flash frozen during it's ripest time - which means it's frozen in time when it has the most nutrients. So I got a few bags of frozen berries to pop in my current rinky dink food processor and mix into my morning meal replacement shake - I got this. Care to share any little secrets you have to keep yourself healthy??

Love you guys... really and truly I do. Thanks for reading.

Chia... isn't that a pet?

Good evening best friends of mine...

This marks the 11th day of my 24 Day Challenge... Herbal Cleanse Phase complete :) And as some of you already know my scale decided to choose yesterday to spaz out on me... so before that occurred I was down a whole 14.5 pounds... Ridiculous, right?? I mean I'm feelin' pretty special about that. Advocare Herbal Cleanse Phase is the new love of my life... I'll down that fiber drink anytime... maybe...

***A very good friend of mine started the diet YESTERDAY and was down 4 pounds this morning!!!!! A huge shout out to her and her giant step toward the new and better us :)***

So I'm in this special top secret group on Facebook ... a friend of mine created it... and it's called "Strength in Numbers" (which I think is a pretty rockin' name by the way) and I love it. I don't even know half the people in the group but I'm stoked about it's purpose. Its a group of girls that are striving to become healthy and we encourage and support one another, we share recipes, we share ideas, we talk about our struggles and how we are coping day by day. I really enjoy it and I think maybe I post too much on it... but what can I say - I love it. If you'd like to be included in that group just shoot me a FB message or comment on here and I will send you and invite. Females only please and only people that are ready to support and be supported... or I'll kick you in the butt. 

Today I wanted to mention a little teentsy seed I found out about... CHIA SEEDS... they are a concentrated food containing healthy omega-3 fatty acids, carbohydrates, protein, fiber, antixidants and calcium. They are an unprocessed, whole-grain food that can be absorbed by the body as seeds (unlike flaxseeds). One ounce (2 TBSP) contines 139 calories, 4 grams of protein, 9 grams of fat, 12 grams of carbohydrates and 11 grams of fiber, PLUS vitamins and minerals!!!!! What they also do...

1. Help weight loss. Chia seeds are popular for weight loss. They reduce food cravings by preventing some of the food that you eat from getting absorbed into your system. This blockage of calorie absorption makes them a great diet helper.
2. Feel fuller faster: They can also help your diet by making you feel full. This is because they absorb 10 times their weight in water, forming a bulky gel.
3. Hydration for athletes: They are also great for athletes because the "chia gel" can hydrate the body.
4. Reduce your blood pressure: There's evidence to suggest they can reduce blood pressure.
5. Omega-3: They are the richest plant source of Omega-3 (the vital fats that protect againstinflammation—such as arthritis—and heart disease). In fact, they contain more Omega-3 than salmon!
6. Benefits for diabetes: Because chia seeds slow down how fast our bodies convert carbohydrates into simple sugars, studies indicate they can control blood sugar. This leads scientists to believe chia seeds may have great benefits for diabetics.
7. They are easier to digest than flax seeds, and don't need to be ground up.

What can you do with these you ask... well here... put them in an energy bar like I did...

Energy Bars: 130 calories per bar

Ingredients 1 cup quick-cook oats, uncooked (I used rolled oats)

1/3 cup dried tart cherries/or other dried fruit

1/2 cup all-natural peanut butter

3 tbsp honey 

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 teaspoon Chia seeds

And if you want to add a few chocolate chips..you can too. It won't up the calories but by about 7 or so calories per bar! Directions Mix the ingredients together in a bowl. Spread the mixture in a pan and refrigerate for 2 hours.

Energy Bars: 130 calories per bar

Now... onto Max Phase Day 2

Bye-Bye Bloaterson McFatty

Good evening, my friends...
So last time I wrote I had just ended my FIRST day on the Advocare 24 Day Challenge and NOW today marks the end of my 7th day on the challenge - which means I am still in the "herbal cleanse phase". I know you have all been waiting with baited breath for my results and I am more than pleased to announce that as of this morning I have lost

11.5 POUNDS

What the what!?! .... yes, you heard me right folks 11.5 pounds in 6 days. I am literally on cloud 9 and for me the BEST part of the whole thing is I feel absolutely amazing! You wanna know why? (1) I'm not hungry... I mean yes I technically get "hungry" but it's always right when it's time for me to eat a meal or a snack anyways so that doesn't really count as what us fatties know as HUNGRY... because I've been there done that and it ain't fun. (2) Another fun and amazing fact - I'm not craving ANYTHING... this is nothing short of a miracle for me. As my Bloaterson McFatty other self I craved things like cupcakes from GiGi's and big, juicy hamburgers from Five Guys and hot off the press Krispie Kreme Doughnuts... yet now, I am more than relieved to tell you that since I have started this Challenge I have not craved one single thing. That's what's up. (3) I have energy... like SPARKaling energy. Like I ache to get up and do something like work on that To-Do list that's been staring at me for a couple years now or wash my car in the 100 degree heat... I mean that's saying something. So what, yeah it's from the Advocare Spark drink that is now my nectar of life...the point is that I HAVE ENERGY. It roars through my veins and it's healthy and it makes me feel like I don't weigh as much as a Hippopotamus. Now say it with me in the voice of Jim Carey... "it's goooood" (ps- it doesn't work unless you say it just like he did in Bruce Almighty... try it) (4) I am able to say no to things that I would have never been able to turn down before. I don't cheat, it's not worth it and I honestly have no desire to do so. Say no to those M&M's your boss left you on the staff room table... it's just NOT worth it... PS- did you know you have to walk the entire length of a football field to burn of 1 single M&M... I bet you'll think about saying no next time too ;). (5) I am starting to feel good about myself again... that alone makes me want to cry tears of joy. I mean looking in the mirror you can't tell I've lost 11.5 pounds (yes... I am THAT fat) and I know people around me are like really, you didn't loose that much weight... but I can feel it. I can feel it when I bend over to tie my shoe and I don't have to hold my breath. I can feel it when I play on the floor with my son. I can feel it when I look in the mirror and tell myself that today I am making healthy choices and today the food didn't win, today I am stronger than my excuses. Advocare 24 Day Challenge - it's legit folks... and no I don't sell it but I love it and I will forever be thankful that it helped me take that first step to get past Bloaterson McFatty.
Thanks for reading and for being my cheerleader!

My WHY

Hello my dear readers...
I just want to let you know how much I appreciate you taking a moment to read the ramblings that go on inside my head. I know it is possibly just a way for you to pass the time while you sit in that crowded waiting room or to help 5 minutes pass a little more quickly at work... but to me it means the world that you would take the time to read this.
Okay - lets not get emotional here - I have two things on the agenda today: Advocare & Anxiety.
(1) Advocare. Today was my FIRST day on the 24 Day Challenge. It had it's ups and it's downs. The down was definitely trying to get down the herbal fiber drink first thing in the morning - when I usually can barely stomach a pop tart - and the up side was the Spark drink - a true gift from God. I am going to see how this 24 Day Challenge goes and do my best to keep you updated. I have GOT to lose this weight. Some of you might not know all the ins and outs of why I have this weight to loose so I was moved to write about it. This may be more than you were wanted to know about me... but I want you to truly understand what this means to me in my life...
(2) Anxiety. I have it. Bad. A big, bad case of the nerves. It has gotten significantly worse in my adult life... several things happened at once and it caused my hormones to revolt. Prior to the birth of my son my life and my son's life were in danger - his birth was 2 month premature and he was born by emergency c-section, he had to remain in the NICU for a month before he was allowed to come home - weighing in at just 5 pounds. He had respiratory problems, we later discovered was due to a milk allergy. He had colic. I was afraid to sleep because he may stop breathing, so I barely slept. I was an emotional basket case and he just would not stop crying - it didn't matter what I did. I literally thought I was going crazy. I remember considering postpartum depression but I "knew" I didn't have that because those women wanted nothing to do with their babies or they wanted to hurt them and I was far from that. I loved Renn more than I ever knew I could love something. I felt like I was failing him as a mother. I felt like God had made a mistake - I wasn't cut out for this motherhood thing and I was severely disappointed in myself. Clint and I were arguing more and more and he was becoming distant, I needed him and I felt alone. I was petrified to take Renn anywhere because he might cry and I wouldn't know how to make him stop and people might know I was a bad mother. I called my mom a lot. I cried even more. Day after day it was just me and Renn and I remember rocking and crying and whispering how sorry I was that God had chosen me as his mother because he deserved better. I was not doing well. After several months of this I found out that Clint was "de-stressing" with alcohol and drugs, because of that he lost his job and because of that we lost the house we had built, the day before closing, which was my one ray of light in the midst of all of this darkness. I fell even more down my tunnel of shame and depression ... I couldn't even hold my family together... I was failing my husband and my son. I didn't want to be around anyone, I was afraid they might see what was really going on. After giving birth to Renn I immediately lost my baby weight - like the next day. I continued to lose weight - I was breast feeding and not really eating because I was so stressed and sleep deprived. However, after a couple of months I started to feed my emotions... and over the next year I proceeded to gain my baby weight back and then some. Needless to say I was the most depressed and anxious I had ever been in my life. I "missed" the first 5 months of Renn's life... I mean I have vague memories but I wasn't able to cherish them like a mother should. Looking back it seems like a dream, not reality. I couldn't trust my husband and I honestly didn't know how much longer he would be my husband. I look back on that time and honestly I have no idea how we all made it out on the other side... intact. Renn is 2 1/2 now and I am JUST now starting to gain power back over my anxiety, I still experience anxiety in groups of people but I think that mostly had to do with my appearance. I am ashamed of the weight I have gained and the way it makes me look and I feel like other people are judging me for that. I'm uncomfortable and sweaty most of the time and I can't move around like I use to. I get embarrassed easily and try too avoid being around people I don't know. Thus the weight loss battle. I WANT to feel better again - I WILL win this battle.Things are falling in to place and except for my weight we have fully recovered from the previous trauma. Clint is sober and the change in him is a 100% miracle - I have never such a dramatic change in a person and I thank God all day long for that. Renn did survive his mother's mental breakdown and I hope that he is as well adjusted, healthy and adorable as I think he is. Looking back I think Renn saved me and I think God knew exactly what he was doing when he chose me to be Renn's mother.
Thanks for reading. God bless.

Book Trauma

You know that moment when you finish a book, look around and realize that everyone is just carrying on with their lives... as though you didn't just experience an emotional trauma at the hands of a book... yeah that just happened to me. I'm not gonna lie - I just stole that from pinterest... but it totally did just happen to me. I am 1000% in love with reading. I completely get caught up in the emotion of it - if you know me at all you know I'm a hardcore empath, which means I have a tendency to feel what others feel - regardless of if the person is real or not. So me reading a book = me feeling like I am that person until "the end". So my book just ended with the character sobbing into the carpet, pounding the floor as her heart crumbled to bits... I then realize the next book hasn't even been written yet, so that's what I'm left with. I feel like crying and have this odd ache in my chest - I look up and everything is just going along it's merry little way and I'm in this confused haze as to why I don't quite know what to do next. It can't end like that, I can't be left in this emotional purgatory!?! WHAT THE HECK! Also known as a "cliff hanger" - people just put warnings on books... **WARNING: This book will not wrap everything up by the last line, in fact it will do the opposite. You will have more questions and be more confused than you were entering the 2nd book and your favorite character will be lost and alone and SOBBING her eyes out. PS - I don't have the next book written yet, nope not even a date in mind as to when it will be done. But thanks for reading it anyways.** So since I'm left wanting I will feed my addiction by getting started on another book...
On to other subjects... maybe something like what this blog is actually SUPPOSE to be about... losing weight. Obviously, if you've seen me lately you know I haven't exactly been successful. But here I am attempting again. I've been eating "healthier" since I got diagnosed as "pre-diabetic" a few weeks again. I wanted to eat healthier anyways but being on Metformin really gives you a good ole kick in the intestines to help you remember. French Fries are OUT. I mean OUT - they are not worth the utter gastronmical pain I have to endure afterward. Metformin is kind of like a little magical pill - the thought of fried, fatty food makes me shudder because I know what lies ahead. So I've been chowing down on lots of veggies and chicken. Metformin is like my little side kick - it keeps me in line and keeps the consequences of stepping out of line in my head. I haven't really lost weight, well I don't feel like I have, I wouldn't know because my husband decided to hide my scale the night after I had a complete emotional breakdown about my fatness. But I do feel better - well when I'm not running for a bathroom. Next week I'm going to try something new - I'll write about that when it happens but for now I'm going to leave you with my little book rant and a new recipe:
1/4 cup Balsamic Vinegar
2 TBSP Dijon Mustard
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1/2 cup Olive Oil
Put in jar and shake ingredients together - the pour into bag with 3-4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts cut into smaller pieces. Allow to marinate overnight or about 6-8 hours, remove from fridge 30 mins prior to cooking. You can grill them or broil them (about 5-6 mins per side).
AMAZING!