You're beautiful, every little piece, love.

"But here's the thing: once you know that it's really not about the food, you are set free in a way. You realize, that if the second cupcake never made you any happier than the first, if you never felt more content after three slices of pizza that you did after two, then you can decide to stop when you've enjoyed all you can of a food, of a moment. So much of the same reason we continue to eat past fullness is tied to not wanting a feeling to be over, not wanting to lose out on fleeting joy. the truth is that the food will make you feel joy, but treating it with respect and stopping to appreciate one big, beautiful cupcake, and not two or three, is the most loving thing you can do for yourself."
              -andie
That is a quote from the new love of my life, Andie Mitchell. She is beautiful and honest and most importantly... she has been in my shoes. She knows what it's like for people to gawk,
she knows what it's like to want to be invisible,
she knows what it's like to have your legs fall asleep when you sit cross-legged on the floor,
she knows what it's like to literally ache for a 4th, maybe 5th piece of pizza,
she knows what it's like to sweat in 70 degree weather,
she knows what it's like to dread needing new clothes,
she knows what it's like to wish people could see... past the fat that defines you.
She found the courage and the drive to change - she lost 135 pounds. She doesn't wish the first 20 years of her life were different, she doesn't regret them - she embraces them. "When you are big for 20 years, the only twenty you've ever known, you'll kindly not frown upon two decades. You'll know that who you are was formed in there, and that's beautiful...

     Hear me.

      Beautiful."

She talks about hearing the accounts of people who have lost a lot of weight - hearing them talk about their "former selves", in a "very detached way. As if the here and now is infinitely better and more lovely than the past. And maybe it is in lots of ways. But here's the thing: it was you all along". Epic.
It was me, it is me and it will be me. I WILL lose this weight, but inside I will remain beautiful, just as God created me. Losing this weight will not change who I am and it will not change the way I view the world.
 
I've only been on this "Challenge" a mere 30 days - I've had hard days, but I've had amazing days. I get frustrated and angry and cry but I have beautiful, sweet, encouraging friends and family that are there, just waiting to lift me up again. I get excited and joyful about the weight I have been able to lose and what I know lies just ahead... up over that mountain... I just have to keep on climbing. I am forever changed by this journey and what it has shown me. I do have power over food, I can say "no", I can still enjoy good food and I have been set free.