Get Right

It's been awhile. I promised to be transparent. It's taken me awhile to be able to come here and let my demons loose... it's been tough for the last couple of weeks. Although I've had real stressors in my life it's not an excuse to make excuses. I was sad... I was in pain and I could hear my brain telling me that eating would make me feel better. I had zero motivation and could have cared less about what I ate. I was too chicken to even step on the scale and see how far I had drifted. I felt slouchy and tired ALL the time. Everything seemed like it took too much energy... and that's not just because I've gained weight, it's because of the pure crap I've been allowing in my body. Simple carbs and sugar. It causes inflammation, increases your blood sugar and makes your body go through a seesaw of energy levels, among other things. You're probably asking yourself how I smart enough to KNOW what I'm doing to my body but dumb enough to do it anyway... because sometimes I'm just lame like that. Sometimes I take the "easy" route and I get lazy and whiny and I feel like life is hard. Then I catch a glimpse of the mountains and valleys that reside under my chin or I get embarrassed that someone has to watch me take an extra few seconds to get off the floor while I haul my heft around or I find myself avoiding people who look to me to help them follow through and everything just screeches to a halt. What the heck are you even doing - I say to myself. I point at myself in the mirror and say "You're better than this." (yes... I speak to myself a lot... don't judge... it helps me get my life right). But ya know... I already ruined the day so might as well finish it off with a bang... (insert eye roll emoji) so I head for the ice cream and set it on the counter...

And then... my beautiful, dear husband says to me... "maybe you should set some goals for tomorrow". My back was to him... I kept it that way and took a deep breath. My head immediately went into defensive mode... I wanted to tell him to shove it. But I couldn't... because he was right, he was so right. I told him before I even began this journey that I needed him to hold me accountable and that is exactly what he was doing. I can still think of 10 comebacks I wanted to shout in that moment... I wanted to be angry and tell him he doesn't know what it's like. But... he does, doesn't he? He's been there and he's powered through. He's just thrown down a rope to pull me up out of my stupor. Because he's my soulmate like that. Of course I should set some goals... like get up off your lazy bum and get your head back in the game. Do what makes you HAPPY, not what fuels the sadness.

This morning I got on the scale. 6 pounds. It doesn't sound like a lot when you say it... but when you've fought hard for every ounce of those 6 pounds it kinda feels like a mountain. I was frustrated with myself, but I funneled that right back in to motivation to do better. Be better. Make better choices and think better of myself. Life IS hard... but that is no longer allowed to be my excuse.

Tonight at dinner he says... "you need to write a blog". Listen to my wise guy. Again, he's so right. I do... I did... I felt it this morning - I needed to jump in with both feet. I don't have much to say, but I'm here. I can't woo you with any wisdom or life lessons this evening... but I wanted you to know I am here. I'm fighting to get right and every single day that passes I'll be stronger and maybe then I can throw some amazingness your way, but for today it's just me apologizing for being lame... one more time.

Next week's plan... which I will stick to like white on rice... but I'll pick a much healthier, complex carb... not white rice... never white rice:
Breakfasts:  Easy Breakfast Burritos (Clint) / LadyBoss Shake (Jillian)
Lunches: Cold Sesame Noodle Bowls (Clint) / Protein Box (Jillian)
Snacks: LadyBoss protein balls, Fourless Banana Bread Muffins, Harvest Crisps, fresh fruit, nuts, caramel rice cakes + Dark Chocolate Dreams PB, hard boiled eggs
Saturday: Lemon Garlic Orzo w/ Roasted Veggies (Clint) / BBQ Pork Chops + Vegetable Pasta + Fresh Green Beans (Jillian & Renn)
Sunday: Vegan Creamy Tomato Pasta (Clint) / Mini Meatloaf + Oven Roasted Potatoes + Asparagus (Jillian & Renn)
Monday: Saturday night left-overs
Tuesday: Sunday night left-overs
Wednesday: Rainbow Veggie Pad Thai (Clint) / Marinated Chicken + Roasted Broccoli + Wild Rice
Thursday: Wednesday night left-overs
Friday: Taco Bowls