Just like that

Day 75.... 35.4 pounds down

Why is eating healthy so difficult? Why is sticking to something you HAVE to do with every fiber of your being so terribly maddening?? In my head I'm throwing my hands up in utter defeat screaming "WHHHHHHHHHY" at the universe. Why was I cursed with this burden. I wanna huff and puff about it and whine and make a really great angry face... it's pathetic really. But it's just so darn hard, ya'll. Anyone that has ever struggled with something could tell you all about it, I'm sure. So many things happen in life and just like that you feel like you are back at square one... you get sick, someone passes away, you have a lot going on that week, your spouse is working long hours, your child is sick, it's that time of the month... any myriad of things can throw roadblocks up all over your path... no matter how sturdy you make the foundation. So I have to work hard... SO hard... to train my brain to be ready for those hurdles when they show up. The more I work through them the "easier" it becomes to jump it the next time around. That's the hypothesis anyway.

I've been lonely... like pull my hair out... talk to myself... starting to go a little loony lonely. The other day I told my husband that I looked forward to Tuesdays because the neighborhood lawn crew was out and I knew other people were around. You could clearly see the worry on his face. Don't get me wrong... I love my new job... I love playing with the kids - teaching them and loving on them brings me so much joy... however, I do desperately miss adult interaction. For most of my adult life I've worked with people - they've been around me so much so that I prayed for a moment with no interruptions - yet now I feel a little lost because it's soooooo quiet. I use to laugh about how I would escape to the bathroom for just 5 mins of quiet time when I got home from work ... now, when Clint comes home I basically chase him around the house to chat. Oh, how the tables have turned. The aloneness definitely feeds my demons... my urge to eat badly and my anxiety rages a little bit more in the quiet. It's a bit of a conundrum really... my loneliness adds to my anxiety but my anxiety also plays a huge role in keeping me lonely. It's hard for me to reach out and call people - even people I consider my best friends - even though I REALLY want to talk. It's hard for me to go out and about without my husband (my safe place) - even though I love doing fun things with Renn after school -  because I worry that people I don't know will talk to me and I won't know what to say or maybe people will judge Renn (or his mother) for his, sometimes very visible, behaviors. How ridiculous is that?! I know it... I can feel how crazy that sounds... but it's a fact of life for me. I'm getting anxiety... right now... writing this, just thinking of everyone reading it and what they will think or putting myself out there a little bit more each time I write. But I think it's also very important for me to let go of the fear and the hiding... that gives it less power over me. And I want that, so much.

I got anxiety the other day just being in the car alone, surrounded by other cars with people in them.

Let that sink in.

I was in a familiar space (my car) and everyone else was in their own space - away from me... they couldn't touch me or talk to me or even breathe the same air... yet somehow I was overcome with nerves. I was stopped at a stop light and had to talk myself through the moment. There was NO reason for it. I hate that feeling... it's like I'm on a roller coaster, but there's no adrenaline junkie here in this car, no ma'am, not me. My breaths come faster but I can't slow down and fill up my lungs, my body heats up, all the noises come in at once but I can't focus on anything, it's loud and distracting and I know my eyes reflect the fact that I feel like a deer in headlights. I close my eyes and slowly count to 5 and focus on "my slideshow"... which are images of my family I have saved in my head for moments just like that. And just like that the moment passes. It doesn't always pass so quickly, but after years of practice most of the time I can calm the storm in record time.

I'm truly hoping that after practicing eating healthy the moments that are tough to get through will pass just as quickly. Just like that.

Next week's plan...
Breakfasts: Steel Cut Oatmeal in the Crockpot I'll add different toppings (strawberries, shredded coconut, honey, banana, walnuts, almond butter, etc) (Clint) / LadyBoss Shake (Jillian)
Lunches: protein box (pepper strips & hummus, orange slices,protein ball, hard boiled eggs) (Clint) / teriyaki chicken bowls (Jillian)
Snacks: Chocolate PB Flourless Muffins, salsa w/ sunchips, fresh fruit, nuts, string cheese, Elevation bars - Lemon (190 cal) for Jillian and Chocolate PB (210 cal) for Clint
Saturday:
Sunday: Garden Vegetable Lasagna
Monday: Veggie Pizza, from Aldi (Clint) / Cauliflower Pizza with turkey pepperoni (Jillian)
Tuesday: Sunday left-overs
Wednesday: homemade falafels from the freezer (I previously made them using this recipe Classic Vegan Falafel) on a pita with lettuce, tomato, olives, feta and avocado sauce (Clint) /  Crockpot Beef Stew for me and Renn
Thursday: VEGGIE NIGHT!! Shiitake Mushroom Risotto (Papa Spuds box) + Baked Okra + Honey Balsamic Roasted Brussel Sprouts
Friday: Wednesday left-overs

Get Right

It's been awhile. I promised to be transparent. It's taken me awhile to be able to come here and let my demons loose... it's been tough for the last couple of weeks. Although I've had real stressors in my life it's not an excuse to make excuses. I was sad... I was in pain and I could hear my brain telling me that eating would make me feel better. I had zero motivation and could have cared less about what I ate. I was too chicken to even step on the scale and see how far I had drifted. I felt slouchy and tired ALL the time. Everything seemed like it took too much energy... and that's not just because I've gained weight, it's because of the pure crap I've been allowing in my body. Simple carbs and sugar. It causes inflammation, increases your blood sugar and makes your body go through a seesaw of energy levels, among other things. You're probably asking yourself how I smart enough to KNOW what I'm doing to my body but dumb enough to do it anyway... because sometimes I'm just lame like that. Sometimes I take the "easy" route and I get lazy and whiny and I feel like life is hard. Then I catch a glimpse of the mountains and valleys that reside under my chin or I get embarrassed that someone has to watch me take an extra few seconds to get off the floor while I haul my heft around or I find myself avoiding people who look to me to help them follow through and everything just screeches to a halt. What the heck are you even doing - I say to myself. I point at myself in the mirror and say "You're better than this." (yes... I speak to myself a lot... don't judge... it helps me get my life right). But ya know... I already ruined the day so might as well finish it off with a bang... (insert eye roll emoji) so I head for the ice cream and set it on the counter...

And then... my beautiful, dear husband says to me... "maybe you should set some goals for tomorrow". My back was to him... I kept it that way and took a deep breath. My head immediately went into defensive mode... I wanted to tell him to shove it. But I couldn't... because he was right, he was so right. I told him before I even began this journey that I needed him to hold me accountable and that is exactly what he was doing. I can still think of 10 comebacks I wanted to shout in that moment... I wanted to be angry and tell him he doesn't know what it's like. But... he does, doesn't he? He's been there and he's powered through. He's just thrown down a rope to pull me up out of my stupor. Because he's my soulmate like that. Of course I should set some goals... like get up off your lazy bum and get your head back in the game. Do what makes you HAPPY, not what fuels the sadness.

This morning I got on the scale. 6 pounds. It doesn't sound like a lot when you say it... but when you've fought hard for every ounce of those 6 pounds it kinda feels like a mountain. I was frustrated with myself, but I funneled that right back in to motivation to do better. Be better. Make better choices and think better of myself. Life IS hard... but that is no longer allowed to be my excuse.

Tonight at dinner he says... "you need to write a blog". Listen to my wise guy. Again, he's so right. I do... I did... I felt it this morning - I needed to jump in with both feet. I don't have much to say, but I'm here. I can't woo you with any wisdom or life lessons this evening... but I wanted you to know I am here. I'm fighting to get right and every single day that passes I'll be stronger and maybe then I can throw some amazingness your way, but for today it's just me apologizing for being lame... one more time.

Next week's plan... which I will stick to like white on rice... but I'll pick a much healthier, complex carb... not white rice... never white rice:
Breakfasts:  Easy Breakfast Burritos (Clint) / LadyBoss Shake (Jillian)
Lunches: Cold Sesame Noodle Bowls (Clint) / Protein Box (Jillian)
Snacks: LadyBoss protein balls, Fourless Banana Bread Muffins, Harvest Crisps, fresh fruit, nuts, caramel rice cakes + Dark Chocolate Dreams PB, hard boiled eggs
Saturday: Lemon Garlic Orzo w/ Roasted Veggies (Clint) / BBQ Pork Chops + Vegetable Pasta + Fresh Green Beans (Jillian & Renn)
Sunday: Vegan Creamy Tomato Pasta (Clint) / Mini Meatloaf + Oven Roasted Potatoes + Asparagus (Jillian & Renn)
Monday: Saturday night left-overs
Tuesday: Sunday night left-overs
Wednesday: Rainbow Veggie Pad Thai (Clint) / Marinated Chicken + Roasted Broccoli + Wild Rice
Thursday: Wednesday night left-overs
Friday: Taco Bowls

My Favorite Things

Hello beautiful people.
Day 53, Down 32 pounds. 
It's Saturday!! And although I'm dealing with back pain I'm so happy to spend a full day hanging out with my family. I'm a little draggy and just comfy in my pajamas on the couch so I thought... why not speak to "my people" :) I've been talking to a few people here and there about working on a meal plan or just giving out simple "meal-hacks" that I use to make life easier. A big question I've been asked is, "What are your favorite things?"... of course, I list them right off... but I thought more people might be interested or maybe just want to change up their day to day eats and treats.
So here's my go-to favorites that work for me...

*Unsweetened Almond Milk: Only 30 calories and has a ton of good fats = heart health! It is considered "nutrient dense"This is great to keep your protein shake creamy :) Since Renn doesn't drink milk anyways this is ALL we have in our house these days. Dairy inhibits weight-loss, so while I can't give up all the cheeses I can give up regular milk.

*Harvest Snaps: This does wonders for my chip addiction... when I'm truly craving chips I turn to these, or from time to time - SunChips (which are whole grain). My favorite flavor of the Harvest Snaps are Tomato Basil - watch that serving size though! Bag them out ahead of time so it doesn't become an over-indulgence, because trust me it can happen FAST!

*LadyBoss Lean: I do not sell this product so please don't think I'm trying to pitch it to you. But it's absolutely DELICIOUS! I love that it's made specifically for women and the taste is great. You don't have to use THIS product but I highly suggest you do some research and have some sort of powdered protein on hand - packs a great protein punch in muffins, waffles, shakes and energy balls. We use it for many things. ---- So I truly MUST add in a secret little recipe for Edible Cookie Dough I got off my LadyBoss Facebook page... 1 scoop Lean protein powder + 2 TBSP nut butter + 1 TBSP almond milk + 1 tsp dark chocolate chips, she says "Just mix all ingredients together and prepare a speech for Jesus cause you're about to be in heaven, girl!" hahaha!! I haven't tried it yet, but trust me - it's a'comin'. 

*Kodiak Cakes: I only use the ones labeled "Power Cakes", they are made of 100% whole grain and have added protein. I absolutely LOVE making waffles for something a little different - I've eaten them for breakfast, lunch and a snack!

*Walden's Sauces: "No calories, Fat, Carbs, Gluten or Sugars of any kind"(waldenfarms.com)... it's crazy how much of a difference this sauce made in my chicken burrito bowl... it's SOOOO good! They have salad dressings, coffee creamers and syrups, pasta sauces, bbq sauces, etc. Now I want a gift certificate for the Walden Farms store #allthethings. I'm so excited to explore this whole new world!

*Popcorn Seasoning: Weird, huh? I'm sharing this because it makes SUCH a cool difference in bland old egg whites - they have lots of flavors so you can change it up, I know several people that like to use the Jalapeno cheddar! I'm a ranch fan myself. Just add it to egg whites before cooking and boom! new experiences!

*Steel Cut Oats: This form of oat is the least processed and therefore contains the most nutrients. I was nervous to go from my usual quick oats, but everything tastes the same it's just a bit crunchier, which I'm totally fine with. Oats are overall awesome-sauce for your gut health - they have more fiber than any other grain! They lower cholesterol AND blood pressure, contain antioxidants, slow the rise in blood sugar, contain phytochemicals - which have been shown to reduce the risk of hormone-related cancers. On top of ALL of those bonuses in this little tiny grain it also had a tendency to keep you full longer (it's all that fiber!) - win/win for people trying to lose weight!

*Quinoa: This tiny thing packs another powerful punch - it contains all 9 essential amino acids, it's high in fiber/protein and it's gluten free! On healthline.com I read that quinoa contains quercetin and kaempferol - two "molecules that have been shown to have anti-inflammatory, anti-viral, anti-cancer and anti-depressant effects in animal studies" - excuse me... who doesn't need that in their life!! In regards to weight-loss, "The human-based study found that using quinoa instead of typical gluten-free breads and pastas significantly reduced blood sugar, insulin and triglyceride levels. Research in rats showed that adding quinoa to a diet high in fructose almost completely inhibited the negative effects of fructose." ... what the what!?!? That's crazy awesome... and something you DEFINITELY need to get in  your belly ASAP!

*Skinny Pop Popcorn: Remember, it's a whole grain... just popped! It's actually an amazingly healthy snack - it's got fiber, low fat and low calories AND... the best part... you get a LOT of it! You still need to watch your serving since... but this is 100% my go to when I want to truly "snack" on something. My favorite's in the brand so far are the Aged White Cheddar and Kettle Corn, of course that last one helps with any sweet cravings I may have... you know around that time of the month.

*Peanut Butter & Co: Hello... if you have not tried the White Chocolate Wonderful we cannot even be friends. Seriously, I sing it's praises quite often and it's just past time you had this on your shelf. It brightens my whole day... literally... and while that may seem lame as all get out, it's just downright true. I love the Dark Chocolate Dreams as well... still searching for The Bee's Knees, let me know if you see it!

*Bang: We should all know by now how I feel about Bang... hopefully, if you follow me at all on anything. It 0 calories / 0 sugar / 0 carb - has a fantastic flavor and energizes me. It's not an uncomfortable energy or a ZAP! ... but it just allows me to continue to being productive throughout my entire day rather than having that evening/after work lull. I usually drink it around 3 - it's my afternoon pick-me-up and I look forward to it every single day.

*Mio Energy Iced Vanilla Java: This isn't super healthy... but I tell you what, it's a heck of a lot healthier than a Starbuck's frappuccino and that what it feels like I'm drinking. #worthit

*Nutthins: No sugar, cholesterol, saturated fat or trans-fat in this here cracker. The have a fantastic snap and a heck of a taste. We use them in place of chips for the adults in this house - with tuna salad, nachos, with dips, to make pizza chips... if you can dream it, they can do it.

*Greek Yogurt Cream Cheese: I sub this for cream cheese errrytime ... Why? Because I like lots of recipes that call for cream cheese and you know... greek yogurt is better. It's like 4x the protein, half the calories and half the fat. Go for it... you'll never go back.

*Turkey Pepperoni: It's gotta be TURKEY... did you catch that. Fewer calories and fat that regular pepperoni... but it does get crazy on the sodium, so make sure you are chugging that water, girlfriend! But the reason this is on my "favorites" is because I make Pizza Chips and I couldn't love them more. I use a serving of Nutthins, a drop of pizza sauce, a slice of turkey pepperoni and then sprinkle mozzarella on top and microwave until the cheese melts. Epic.

Okay, I've shared mine... now show me yours. What are some of your favorite things that make your weight-loss/healthy eating days a little brighter? Do tell... I'm truly interested!

Over and out for today, ya'll
-J

Not Ashamed

I said I would blog my feelings... so here I am. I'm not as upset as I was yesterday... so I spared you from that... it's never a good thing for me to write when I'm angry. After weighing myself and being sooooo frustrated I looked around for someone to blame. I mean why would I gain ELEVEN pounds, yes... you read that correctly... just because I cheated for a couple of days. (Do you know how long it takes to LOSE 11 pounds?!?) Ohhh probably because you cheated for a couple of days, duh. So who was there to blame... me... just me. I did this... I let myself go and decided to eat and eat ... and eat all the wrong things. I grumbled to myself for most of the day on Monday... every time I had to chug water or make a better food choice. And today... well, today was worse. I got into stubborn little arguments with MYSELF (no, I'm not crazy) when it was time to eat I was so frustrated with having to make a healthier choice I almost refused to eat. I mean... what is that about? I felt like I was just slamming my head into a wall over and over and I might have huffed out loud a few times. Whhhhyyyy.... why is it so hard?! I was tired and cranky and withdrawing from sugar. This afternoon, I cracked open a Bang and read through my Pinterest Dream Board and got my head back in the game. It's really NOT that hard... it just takes effort, which means that sometimes it's easier than others. "The hard part isn't getting your body in shape. The hard part is getting your mind in shape." This is so very true... 95% of my problem is in my head... emotional eater, stress eater, anxious eater... I have to talk myself through most days... whether it's about food or something else. This is just one more thing bumping around in this head of mine. Another reason I must stay focused and keep my mind on the end game. I am worth it. I will do this. I give no excuses. I am committed. Through this process... and the many times I have been right here... I have learned that I can pretty much talk myself through anything. The power is within me, I just have to put in the effort. "The comeback is always stronger than the setback." This comeback will include crunches and pushups with a few hundred squats for good measure. I am absolutely TERRIFIED to put that out there... why? Because that means I must follow through. I am absolutely aching to workout but I'm also shaking in my knickers. I kinda wanna whine about it... but I'm better than that. That stupid little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering that I might fail, that I will be weak and it will hurt. Then my logical voice kicks in and says of course I will... I will fail at first because I have high standards and although I want to kick the first week off with 150 squats... I won't. I will fail myself and the idea of what I can do that is built up in my head... BUT I won't be a failure. I am weak, but that's only because this is the beginning. I will get stronger... and therein lies the magic of the transformation. And oh, it will hurt... it will hurt A LOT... but enduring those aches and pains will lead to stronger muscles - it means I worked hard. It means I am earning it. I will not be ashamed of my beginnings. Every journey starts somewhere.

Overnight I lost 3 of the 11 ... so only 8 more to go to break even. It was my choice, my mistake and I must now carry the burden of my choice. That does not make this the end, it just means I have to push harder.

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it."

- Margaret Thatcher

Truer words have never been spoken... this is my battle and I definitely have to fight it time and time again. It's alright thought... I will overcome this and it will be epic.

I know I'm late to the game but here is the rest of the menu... I will go ahead and give you my 2 week plan (I do grocery pick up tomorrow).
Breakfasts: w1: Chia Yogurt Power Bowl (Clint) / LB Lean Shakes (Jillian)
                     w2: Toast with fried egg, tomato & provolone (Clint) / Shakes (Jillian)
Lunches: w1: 7 Layer Dip w/Pita Chips (Clint) / Burrito Bowls (Jillian)
                 w2: Tuna Salad w/Nutthins (Clint) / Pizza Chips (Cheddar Cheese Nutthins, Drop of Pizza sauce, Turkey Pepperoni, Mozzerella) (Jillian)
Snacks: skinny pop popcorn, nature valley protein bars, celery + PB, protein balls
W: Sheet pan veggies + chicken on the side
Th: picnic in suprise location! *probably Chick-fil-a meal*
F: Jill out with friends / boys fend for themselves ;)
Sa: Grilled Veggies & Black Bean BBQ Bowls (C) / Meatloaf + green beans + veggie pasta-Steamfresh brand (J)
Su: Medi Power Grain Bowls (C) / Teriyaki Chicken & Broccoli (J)
M: Left-over Saturday dinner
T: Left-over Sunday dinner
W: Make your own Quesadillas
Th: Stir Fry
F: Cauliflower Crust Pizza
Sa: Veggie Brunswick Stew (C) / Enchilada Casserole (J)
Su: Salmon Cakes + Sweet Potato Fries + Asparagus
M: Left-over Saturday dinner
T: Left-over Sunday dinner

Find a way

What's up lovely people?
It's been awhile, right? I know... I'm sorry. I was frustrated and blocked... writer's block, weight loss block, digestive block, emotionally blocked... you know just blocked, from all angles. It took me 14 days of frustration, sometimes scream out loud worthy... absolute, annoyingly so, quite defiant determined frustration. I was angry, but I was resolute. I powered through.

I also added more fiber to my diet. Avocare's Fiber drink(unflavored) to be exact.
 After struggling "to go" (sorry for the TMI but I'm here to be real with you) after my Sept 1st cheat meal... which didn't help me AT ALL in the losing weight department. I felt bloated and uncomfortable every day. I added the fiber drink to my breakfast routine - by that evening I was able to go and the next day I dropped and have continuously dropped since. It just got things moving again... which is exactly what I needed. It's weird because you'd think that if you were eating healthier that you would have less trouble keeping things moving regularly but for some reason I always struggle with this from time to time while losing weight. I had no idea why... so, as usual, I turned to google and found this little golden nugget of information.
Why High Protein Diets Constipate You
I definitely consume a lot of the foods suggested to keep fiber in your diet but apparently my body just needs that extra boost. I'm going to have to keep that Fiber Drink on hand! What do you do for extra fiber???

During those 14 days... I watched the scale fall lower and lower every single time my husband stepped on and while I was genuinely happy for his success... on the inside, I was throwing myself a little pity party, complete with carb-free snacks and punch made of water. It's a fact - men lose weight faster than women... extra little fact to brighten your day (insert eye roll) - women also GAIN weight faster than men. Are you ready for the list...
1. Men have more muscle, they also build muscle faster... which in turn allows them to burn more calories in general. What to do about it: Women, add strength training to your exercise routine. 
2. Men lose more water weight than women. These are those quick pounds that drop off right at the beginning. What to do about it: Pound that water. Get it in at every turn. Flush your system. 
3. Women are hormonally wired to store more fat - 6-11% more in fact. Fun fact: our fat helps us fuel our workout! so there's that silver lining.
4. Men and women store fat differently. The fat men usually carry (subcutaneous) is easier to lose that the fat women tend to carry (visceral).  What to do about it: sleep well, get more fiber in your diet, lower your carb intake, make sure to have a balance of cardio and strength training. 
5. A woman's menstrual cycle can trigger stress eating. And we allllll know about that.
*I got this fun little list from here: https://www.beachbodyondemand.com/blog/men-lose-weight-faster-than-women

Basically, it's all about the hormones. Testosterone boosts the metabolism all on it's very own... while estrogen causes women to store fat. There ain't nothin' to be done about it other than go hard. Get it through your head that it's not easy and you're going to have to fight for every single ounce. Men's bodies are set up to burn fat quickly, women's are not. Let your feminism show... women can lose weight too. Be determined. Show up every day. Work for it. You will be victorious.

Day 39. Down 28.4... I'll get there.

Some people have asked if I get sick of eating the same thing over and over throughout the week - such as breakfast or lunches. Generally, I do not. I love that through meal planning and meal prep it's quick and easy and there. When lunchtime comes I'm HUNGRY and ready to eat whatever... I don't care. If I have something planned and ready to eat it ensures that I don't have time to crave anything else. Typically, the argument is that unhealthy snacks/foods are easier to grab and just faster to prepare and consume... BUT if you have a plan and foods prepped this should absolutely not be the case. I've said it a zillion times... you have GOT to be prepared. Even if you don't have the budget or time to try crazy hard recipes full of fresh produce... do better. They have some great FROZEN healthy choices now - I've seen them at Costco, Publix and Aldi... places are waking up and getting on the healthy train. Do you know I even saw Cheese Whisps and Lentil Bean Crisps at the MOVIE THEATER as a choice!?!?!?! Yep! Healthy options are becoming more prevalent which means you have zero excuses. Think about it like this - other than breakfasts & lunches, which will be meal prepped this weekend, from Monday-Sunday of this coming week I am only actually cooking with any effort 4 times and one of them is a stir-fry- which is SUPER easy and fast - through my work week there are only 2 recipes (a 3rd is crockpot so that doesn't count it's just dumping in ingredients) pesto pasta and tostadas... the other 2 recipes are over the weekend. It's EASY folks, it's not worth an excuse. And back to if I get sick of eating the same things.... my LadyBoss shake is amazing - I literally look forward to drinking it. There are so many recipes for protein shakes... I can change it up a bit anytime I want but have been drinking the same thing for over a month and I'm still completely happy with that. As far as lunches go... it's fuel... I'm hungry and I'm chanting "get in my belly" by the time I get to eat. I'm just happy it tastes good and I can start getting it in my mouth in less than 2 minutes. It's 5-6 days of the same lunch... who cares. Having a portion controlled meal ready to go means more than eating something different every day. Pick your battles... because when you search deep down you'll realize that all your doing is making an excuse.

Pinterest is a crazy-awesome resource for meal planning ideas!

Next week's plan:
Breakfasts: Green Smoothie (Clint) / LadyBoss Shake (Jillian)
Lunches: Tuna Salad with Nutthin crackers + mini dill pickles
Snacks: Vegetable tray w/ light sour cream ranch dip, LadyBoss protein balls, fresh fruit, nuts, pita chips w/ hummus, hard boiled eggs.
Monday: Saturday night left-overs (Lemon Garlic Orzo w/Roasted Vegetables)
Tuesday: Sunday night left-overs (Baked Eggplant Parmesan)
Wednesday: Pesto Pasta (Clint - I leave out the chicken and double the pasta, using spinach & ricotta tortellini) / Low Carb Taco Soup (Jillian - I will use half sausage and half ground turkey and sub the cream cheese for Greek yogurt cream cheese)
Thursday: Wednesday night left-overs
Friday: Tostadas! Clint will have Hummus & Veggie Tostadas /  Renn and I will have BBQ Chicken Tostadas as requested by Renn-man
Saturday: Stir-Fry ... basically throw all the leftover veggie in the skillet / for Saturday lunch we will have any leftovers from Wednesday or Friday.
Sunday: Cauliflower crust pizzas

Cheaters

Tomorrow is CHEAT MEAL DAY!

In honor of September 1st and *Cheat Meal Day* I want to write you a little blurb about cheat meals and WHY they are so important. Don't roll your eyes... it won't take long.

Most people tell you to have a cheat meal once a week ... I've even heard 2x a week... which is a total nope for me. There is no way I could come back from splurging 2x a week. I actually chose to wait an entire month for this particular cheat day because I wanted to put a significant distance between it and my old way of eating. I wanted to have some strength behind my determination... I needed to feel like I could walk away when it was over and get right back to work.

Here's the deal... a cheat meal - high in carbs and high in calories - will actually jump-start your metabolism. Listen up folks... I'm about to drop some knowledge on you... there are 2 hormones in your body related to this sort of thing - leptin and ghrelin. I read all about them and it literally blew my mind... how have I not known these things in my adult life?? I can't even put it all into one blog... it would take too long to explain it and honestly I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it all. Regardless... I've provided a couple of links for you to read up on it yourself... and you should... if you  struggle with your weight at all. In a nutshell leptin signals your brain to inhibit hunger so that you don't feel the need to eat when your body doesn't need the energy - the levels of leptin in your body will go up or down based on your caloric intake. When you lose weight your leptin levels go down... which makes your body crave more food - which it turn makes it even more difficult to continue to lose weight. Ghrelin is the "hunger hormone" that stimulates your appetite.
All About Leptin
All About Ghrelin
So why did I enter into the land of hormones and wreck your brain? Because of the cheat meal. Studies show that cheat meals replenish these hormone levels back to their normal state - which is super important because you want to eat when you are hungry and stop when your body has had enough. These hormones, at normal levels in your body, do the right thing all on their own. Drastic changes, such as overeating or dieting (taking in significantly less calories) cause the hormone levels to go wonky... your cheat meal will reset the balance. You want these hormones doing exactly what they were meant to do - otherwise your body will literally be working against you when are trying to lose weight!

As if that isn't enough... why else should you cheat? Because your brain AND your body need a break! All of that worry and calorie calculating and meal planning and watching the scale fluctuate can wreak havoc on your mental state. It's important for you to take time to just indulge, otherwise it's exhausting and you'll come to resent everything about it. You're also going to need a way to maintain focus and stick to your 80/20 or 90/10 plan... however you're working it... it's tough. Knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel makes it easier on you to go harder through that 80% or 90% and give it your all.

One more reason why a cheat meal is OKAY... your body will burn MORE calories in the 24 hours after your cheat meal than you have in awhile. Throw some bread on that carb deprived system and it's going to throw a party up in there! Your whole system is going to be like "OH... what do we do with this madness!!!!??? BURN IT!" And your body will be a wheelin' dealin' carb crushing machine. You are forcing your body to burn those calories and re-booting your metabolism instead of allowing your body to adjust to the lower calorie intake ... which can lead to a plateau... and NO BODY in this room wants that.

Here are the rules... well, here are my rules...
2 hours. That's the time frame... you get 2 hours to eat whatever you're going to include as your "meal". So basically... you best have you a plan.
Don't die. Don't eat till you puke or eat so much you feel like you might die. It still needs to be worth it.
Now... if I ate a cheat meal each WEEK I would be a little more careful with my choices... but since it's been a month... I'm eating what I want... no regrets.

So, as I mentioned before a couple of friends asked if I could provide my weekly menu ahead of time. Our menu is a bit different, I guess, because I don't cook EVERY night. I typically do cook Saturday and Sunday evenings and then we eat those leftovers Monday & Tuesday. Every other Wednesday is my "Shopping Day" - I go to Walmart & Harris Teeter (for produce and sales) and then I'm whipped so shop day is also eat out day 'cause Mama ain't cookin'! It's also a bit different than most families because Clint is a vegetarian (he does eat fish and shrimp) and Renn and I are not... so sometimes I will make 2 meals ... but I try to make sure one is pretty simple ;)... for instance Saturday on this menu I'll be making Clint's dinner but throwing mine and Renn's in the crockpot.
Let me know if you have any questions!

Meal Plan for the week...
Breakfast: Breakfast Quesadillas (Clint) / LadyBoss Shakes (J)
Lunches: Vegetarian Taco Jar (Clint) / so this is the basic recipe I follow but I get low carb tortillas, use reduced fat cheese and greek yogurt cream cheese to tone it down Chicken Enchiladas (J)
Snacks: veggie tray from Costco (yes, I'm cutting corners!), nuts, fresh fruit, rice cakes with nut butter and protein balls... I'll use this recipe Monster Protein Balls but replace the M&M's with dark chocolate chips.
Sunday: Mediterranean Potato Hash
Monday: Salmon Burgers & Stir Fry veggies
Tuesday: Sunday night left-overs
Wednesday: Grocery pick-up - dinner out!
Thursday: Honey Garlic Shrimp over Wild Rice with roasted broccoli & zucchini
Friday: Thursday night left-overs, add stir fry veggies and/or protein pasta if needed
Saturday: Lemon Garlic Orzo w/ Roasted Veggies (Clint) / Crockpot Beef & Broccoli (J and R)
Sunday: Baked Eggplant Parmesan with Salad

Operation DWS

What up Day 27...
I'm sadly here to say that as of this morning I am only down 23.4 pounds. I try not to get to down about it... however, I can't say that it doesn't put a damper on my days. I kept telling myself over and over again today that 20+ pounds is still REALLY good for less than a month... but it still sucks to see the scale move UP instead of down.

The Lorek household has been dealing with some things... not fun things... and it's been pretty difficult to stay on track where food is concerned. I am a full blown stress eater... I eat my emotions. Over the last couple of weeks I have been battling the stress as well as the urge to indulge. I have fought every step of the way and some days it takes everything I've got in me... there were days I went to bed early, days I had to chomp ice until my tongue went numb, many days I had to brush my teeth and find something - ANYTHING - to do with my time other than sit around wishing I could stuff my face.

I did a quick google search of the impact of stress on weight loss  *really it's weight GAIN* ... I mean we all know one can influence the other and after that it's just a game of tug of war.
Boom... right away - top 5 ways stress impacts weight management.
1- Stress makes in harder to get good sleep. I don't know about you but I'm a holy terror when I don't my beauty sleep. I am cranky and annoyed and you might as well just throw my willpower right out the window. I am not a good person after a restless night, nor do I have the motivation to do anything positive for anyone... much less myself.
2- Stress increases cravings. Pasta, pizza, potatoes... check, check, check. All the doughy goodness? Double check. When I am stressed I want all the things and I have zero control of where my mind wonders. It's pretty much like a slide show of junk food.
3- Stress contributes to digestive disorders. Excuse me, what? So not only is my mind working against me but my body is also working against me in some stress-induced refusal to absorb nutrients and mix up my appetite hormones! Life is so not fair.
4- Stress makes it difficult to stay active. Of course it does. Stress makes you depressed, folks... well, at least that's what it does to me. I feel bloated and groggy and foggy and yuck. Pair that with zero motivation from lack of sleep and tummy troubles from the digestive disorders and who wants to go outside and enjoy the bright sunshiny day with a brisk walk... most likely not this girl. "Leaky gut syndrome" ... (barf)... no thanks... I'll just stay right here on my couch.
5- Stress can lead to  brian-fog, moodiness and low willpower. Oh... here it is... the icing on the cake. The triple threat. Not only do you feel like you are going to poo your pants, but you're craving everything you've ever seen in life, you are running on fumes from the lack of sleep and can't move because stress makes it difficult to stay active and NOW... you can no longer think straight and you have no desire to carry on my wayward son.

... don't you cry no more...
basically we need to find a way to DE-stress pronto. No one needs all of that negativity in their life. I need my path clear and positive and moving FORWARD. Girl, wash your face!!!! For real though. Get right with the Lord. Call your Mama. Get rid of all the things that don't bring you joy. Visit your Gramma. Get messy with your kids. Leave your significant other an epic love note. Take a friend flowers. Donate all the clothes that make you feel bad about your body. Make a playlist of your favorite songs and take a drive. Go to your favorite place in the world and take a deep breath. Finish that book. Erase your "To Do List" and start fresh. Find a way to smile every day. Let go and let God.
I am going to continue to work hard at being better, getting better, de-stressing... or at least finding a much more appropriate way to handle stress. I need to find a way to give it all to God at night and wake up each more refreshed and ready to give it all I've got. I definitely need all the help I can get and I definitely do NOT need my mind and body working against me! So operation down-with-stress is a go.

"The day she let go of the things that were weighing her down, was the day she began to shine the brightest."

- Katrina Mayer

Info/Google Credit: https://www.runtastic.com/blog/en/effects-of-stress-on-weight-loss-and-hormones/
______________________________________________________
I don't really have any crazy amazing recipes for you this week - it's a bit of a mash up of this and that. I do plan to make Skinny Lasagna Rolls and Mediterranean Potato Hash and just got done making Fiesta Chicken in the crockpot for dinner tonight and the next couple of nights - I do sub in Greek yogurt cream cheese and add wild rice and quinoa after cooking.

I have had a few people ask me about posting a menu and recipes prior to the week so they would have time to grocery shop and make the same recipes. I will plan to work on that and get something up this coming weekend... hopefully with a little more regularity than I have been.

Shedding Doubt... and pounds

Hello my beautiful friends...
I am FINALLY over my emotional cray-cray funk! Thanking Jesus for that. No one needs that kind of madness in their life ... and you will all be relieved to know that Renn has also survived. However, I did move his therapy appointment up to tomorrow morning to discuss his medicine... after several messages from his teacher over the last two days. Positive thoughts and/or prayers are always greatly appreciated. You will also be happy to know I stayed on track... the entire crying wreck of a hormonal mess time. That’s a NSV if I ever saw one!! NSV = Non-scale victory!!

But guess what was a SV... this morning I weighed and I could have cried tears of joy. It's Day 21 and I have lost 24.2 pounds. It feels EPIC. Several years ago I lost 77 pounds - I refer to that often because I was super successful with my weight loss, motivated and I stuck to it for a looooong time - put simply, it changed my life. I began that journey with Advocare's 24 Day Challenge - in 24 days I managed to lose about 23 pounds... so why is that significant you ask?? Because for the FIRST time since that Challenge I have stuck with something for MORE than 20 days AND for the FIRST time I lost MORE weight than I did on the Challenge without doing the Challenge whhhhhhhhat?!?!?!?! Sorry... I know that was pretty wordy but hopefully you were able to pull my point out of there somehow. Basically, I'm kicking butt. Things are changing quickly - I'm already moving around with a little more ease - my body isn't so achey and creaky... my clothes are fitting without a fight... my pants are falling down A LOT... and ya'll THREE people (other than my husband) told me they NOTICED. [insert heart soaring here]. Another thing that typically happens as the weight begins to steadily fall off is people start asking "HOW?"... they want to know what the trick is or what diet plan I'm following... "how are you doing it??" The trick is there really is no trick... you have to find what works for your body. I went through different plans that did not work, however... for my body what always works, without fail... as long as I stick to it... is low carb, high protein, moderate fat. I'm loosely following the LadyBoss program which focuses on a fiber/carb ratio and low sugar intake - it also focuses on daily exercise... I haven't gotten all the way there yet. I track my calories using MyFitnessPal (add me - jlorek731) and keep my count between 1000-1200 daily. I try to drink at least 1 gallon of water a day. And finally - actually the HARDEST part of it all, I stay motivated. I use this blog and whoever my readers might be along with social media (Facebook/Instagram) to keep me accountable. Even if no one interacts with me I still feel some sense of accountability to the great big world out there... people are always watching. I follow people on IG that share healthy recipes and healthy living tips and I read motivational quotes alllllllll the time, it's kinda my thing. I lean on friends when I'm struggling and I have the sweetest friends that message me encouragement throughout the week. I also have these "little" rewards I have chosen for myself for every 10 pounds I lose... they definitely help me stay excited and keep me on track. At 10 pounds I bought myself a set of workout clothes, at 20 pounds I bought myself this amazing little bluetooth keyboard I am typing on in order to blog anywhere... and at 30 pounds (only 5.2 pounds to go!!) I plan to take myself in for a little pampering... something I definitely neglect when I feel self-conscious. We are planning a trip to a water park in just under 2 weeks and I am so excited about not feeling absolutely hideous in a bathing suit... I'll just be a tiny bit hideous ... but not enough that it keeps me from the fun! I also plan to have family pictures taken in November... yet another thing I have avoided due to my own insecurities. I have a dress... it’s my goal dress and I really, really hope I get to wear it for my pictures... that would be everything. I bought it TWO YEARS AGO- nuts, right? But I fell in love and HAD to have it... only it didn’t come in my size. I bought it with the thought that ONE DAY I would get into that dress and flit around feeling all adorable and princess-ie. I’ll get there ... soon.

With every step of this journey I feel like I'm shedding the doubt and insecurities along with the pounds... it’s exhilarating.

My shopping days are Wednesdays... I know that is a bit weird but it fits our budget so we do what we do. Starting Thursday I will be eating Skinny Buffalo Chicken Dip with Flax Seed Nutthins for lunch and snacking on caramel rice cakes with Peanut Butter & Co.'s Dark Chocolate Dreams along with egg cups... I did this recipe for the first time last week and I loved them. I sprayed my regular sized muffin pan and then used just under 1/3 cup egg whites + a little bit of low fat mozzerella cheese + Ranch popcorn seasoning... yes, you are reading that correctly and I baked them at 450 for about 15-20 minutes. This week though, I plan to throw some broccoli and cheddar in there to get a veggie snack ... to maybe balance out that caramel dark chocolate goodness a bit. We shall see... but I bet it will be delish!
What's something on your menu plan this week? Post a comment... I need some comments in my life.

Thanks for being here with me!
-J

Juggling Jello

Day 17
Ya’ll don’t even know how much I’ve struggled this week. For the life of me I cannot get my life right... I don’t know what going on. It took me Sunday - Monday - Tuesday - AND - Wednesday to get that extra weight off even though I never wavered, not once. FINALLY - this morning was down 18 pounds. That’s almost the weight of a car tire. Brings all new meaning to a “spare tire around the middle”... though I have yet to lose mine.
Back to my mid-life crisis. I’m an emotional/stressed/over-dramatic wreck of a housewife/mother. I cry every afternoon- not ugly cry... but my eyes definitely lose their ability to keep the wetness at bay. I haven’t felt good enough at anything - I feel spread out and like everything is crumbling around me. I’m juggling Jello. I’m not being a good enough mom. Renn has had to be off his ADHD meds this week and I am quite literally turning into a closet rocker because of it... you know that girl that sits in the closet and rocks back and forth while mumbling nonsense... yes, that girl. He goes NON-STOP all day long, needs food every 5 mins and yes, that is quite literal, needs attention, needs things to do, needs help, needs all the things ... and then around 5 he crashes emotionally for about 1-2 hours. At that point it’s hysterics - like I’ve never seen before... he is emotionally distraught and clinging to the thought of a scary picture he saw like it might climb out of the wall and eat us all for dinner. It’s that real to him and he has to be ON ME for the duration of the meltdown. Afterwards he goes to sleep, sometimes as early as 7:30pm. He is absolutely exhausting me. Don’t get me wrong, I feel for him I do - my heart breaks for him - that his little mind has to go through all these changes in one day. He’s obviously exhausting himself as well. Regardless, we are both distraught and have moved into some sort of co-dependent co-existence. To moms out there don’t be judgy, I just might punch you. It’s been tough and we’ve dealt the best way we know how. Don’t worry - Renn has therapy next week about his meds and we will get this figured out. We will be okay... but until then I’m gonna love him through it even if he gives me all the gray hairs. Luckily I have a village and his grandparents - whom he loves utterly and completely - make the time to love him through it too... when Mama reaches the closer rocker point. Even though that got a little personal I feel like you can understand a bit more about where I’m coming from this week and I wanted to share something... I have a couple other personal situations going on that I cannot share which are also taking up hot messy jumbled up scribble space in my head. Needless to say I’m FRIED. I came within an INCH of eating an I-don’t-give-a-crap meal yesterday. I was at my whit’s end and somewhere in the middle of the chaos my brain told my body that food would fix it. “This is too hard”... it said. “Pizza and pasta will make you feel happy”... it whispered. I, very realistically, had to shake it off. I will not, because some part of me held on by a thread and knew that it would actually make me feel far worse. I’d feel like a failure and it would close the deal on absolutely everything going up in flames this week... I cannot, will not give in. I pushed and I had to push HARD to get through that moment... even when my original dinner plans went up in smoke. I found another way, rather than an excuse.

I tell you what... this week has truly beat me to my knees... today was actually the icing on the cake and wouldn't I love to dive right in to a big fluffy, sugary cake. No... no, I wouldn't because what would that do? Then I'd be the closet rocker that has frosting all over her face crying into a cake... and who wants that? Not this girl. This evening Renn begged for a pizza, a real pizza... and it made him smile through the tears tonight so I got the kiddo a pizza and I came home and whipped myself up a cauliflower pizza. Remember - no excuses. My head is aching, my eyes burn from tearing up and my body is all done with this week. Trust me, I know I'm blessed and I'm not trying to be "Debbie Downer" - I truly want 99% of my blog posts to be upbeat and inspiring... but I also don't want to be a fake. I go through rough times and confusing times and times when I can be a real jerk. I want you to see it all - I want you to relate to me and share your hard moments too... and never, ever feel alone. I felt alone this week and then proceeded to bat that thought right out of my head. The moral of this story is through the week I kept my promise to myself and stayed strong in relation to healthy eating, I also didn't run out of the house screaming... not even once. I took TINY... minuscule steps forward... but I did move forward and that is everything. 

Every wonder what success looks like at the end of a hard week? Tonight... this is the image of success... I'm not eating regular Papa John's pizza... I'm making a better choice. Still... after my brain went through every excuse in the book I still chose to do better.

And I know most of you have this recipe... but in case you didn't here's the simplified version.
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Prepare a pan with parchment paper.
2 cups riced cauliflower - steamed / or shred up half a large head of cauliflower and cook in the microwave 7-8 minutes + 1 egg + 2 tsp parmesan cheese + 1 cup mozzerella + seasonings (I usually do salt/pepper, Italian seasoning and garlic powder) - mix well & spread out THIN onto your prepared pan. Spray with cooking spray (I use coconut oil spray) and bake for 10-15 minutes - it should be browning on top.
Remove from oven and add sauce + toppings then bake another 10 minutes, until cheese is bubbly.
Your welcome :).

Here's to the weekend, ya'll!
-J

Staying Focused

I struggled last night... hard.

I'm not sure why - there's no real reason behind it other than I sat down on the couch to watch a movie. Back when I lost all that weight years ago I literally had to give up TV. I couldn't stop myself from overindulging on snacks while glued to the tube so I had to walk away. Almost like an alcoholic couldn't go to a bar to hang out with friends and watch a ball game - the indulgence would be inevitable. At that time in my life I dove back into reading, which I still to this day can't get enough of - it's one of my happy places... right there, smack in the middle of a book. I would set myself up with my kindle and a ice cold water with a straw - pop that straw in my mouth and read. I would guzzle water... so much water that I wouldn't feel hungry or like snacking. Basically I conditioned myself to not eat while reading. Apparently, I STILL struggle with television - it's a good thing I don't watch that much of it - a Netflix show binge from time to time but those are few and far between. Usually if it's on I'm doing other things - laundry, cleaning, food prep... so I don't have to worry about the urges, but last night they raged. I had already eaten dinner and my fill of calories for the day - yet I still felt as though I was "dying" for something to snack on. I wasn't hungry I just had the overwhelming urge to snack, which is actually worse for me. Hunger... I know what to do with that... I can tell the difference between board hunger and actual hunger and honestly I can ignore both, but the urge to snack killllllllllls me. I settled on a small handful of Moon Cheese and ended up just turning the movie off. I walked around frustrated and unsettled for a bit - I don't know why I didn't get out of the house and go on a walk or do something more productive I guess I was just in my feelings about it. Regardless... I persevered and did not give in.

After ALL of that... I woke up 1.8 pounds heavier... yeah, you heard me - I GAINED weight. It was crazy because I felt it before I even stepped on the scale - I felt heavier. Insert mind blown emoji here. What in the actual heck happened? But that's the breaks, ya'll - that's what happens sometimes, our weight fluctuates for a multitude of reasons and some of them we can't even explain. That's why the masters tell you the scale lies and not to weigh every day - I get it I do. But it's my scale and my weight so I do what I want. I went down 15 pounds in 10 days - that's like 1.5 pounds a day... which shouldn't be real life. Yes, I am extremely large and yes, most of it is water weight and bloat... but that's still a crazy number. Me being up this morning does not mean that I failed yesterday, it doesn't mean that I'm about to gain all the weight back or that I shouldn't eat anything today. It's just part of the journey. I've learned through all the ups and downs that I need to keep my eye on the prize - keep my focus steady and not waiver.

I just wanted to come on here and let you know that everyday is not perfect - full of butterflies and pounds that drip off and carb-less dreams. I have bumps in the road and I have to do mental resets from time to time. But the difference in me today that wasn't there months ago is I keep moving forward. I'm not going to let the disappointment of weight gain steal my motivation, not one bit. I almost RAN to the kitchen to start my shake and fill up my water jug - I needed it to reassure me that I have this under control. I was soothed by the routine of it all and the fact that I wanted to keep moving forward without having to talk myself out of going to Starbucks. Before I would have thrown my hands up in defeat and thought oh why not - I'll just have a cheat day like everyone else - but thank the stars in heaven I have a cheat day set AND guess what... today is not that day.

Keep moving forward, folks. Try not to focus on numbers or calories so much that it consumes your journey. Stay focused on your routine, the changes - making healthier choices, moving more, drinking more water... and if you stumble along the way the best way to move forward is to get up, dust off the guilt and take another step.

Today is a new day! Enjoy yourself :)
-J

ONE DAY

Day 10
I did it again... I started post after post and deleted them because I let the doubt creep in... who would want to read what I have to say... do I actually have anything important to say... I'm not good enough for this. Today, though... today I will follow through. Today, I will remember I'm not doing this "for readers" necessarily, although, if you are in fact reading this I adore you and I thank you... but at the end of the day I am doing this for me. Today, it's about the things that keep me going - which is writing about my journey and the things that bring me JOY - which just so happens to be writing about my journey. Would you look at that... seems as though I should just write.

This morning I was exactly, to the decimal, 15.0 pounds down. I smiled. It felt good. I was excited to tell someone, although, it's not about the number of likes I get in response or the praise... it's mainly just about doing what I said I was going to do, sticking with something and succeeding. Fighting through the headaches, the cravings and the fatigue has been tough - thankfully, I have an amazing support system and they help me keep my head in the game. When all else fails, I lean on them. I am working for this, I'm earning it and it feels good - sometimes, that alone is enough to keep me going... sometimes it's not. That's why I tend to surround myself with those wonderful people in my corner or with dream boards and positive affirmations and weight loss support FB groups and it's also why I put so much on Facebook about my journey - for accountability. I need someone out there expecting me to push through, to stop thinking about cupcakes and block those delicious looking pizza ads, to guzzle my water, to push this hefty body into workout mode. Someone out there needs me to do this ... and maybe it's because they need to know they can do it too. THAT inspires me - knowing that someone out there might be letting their own doubts and insecurities keep them from reaching for a better life and somehow my journey may help them see that they are not alone, that they can push through. If I can give up sweet tea and pass on the pasta and make my son cookies without eating even one crumb YOU can do it too!

So far this change in eating habits hasn't been crazy hard, trust me, it's not been super easy either... but nothing awful. I didn't cry, I didn't yell and scream and whine - I put on my XXXXXL panties and handled it. Hopefully... at the end of all this I'll put on my Medium panties and handle things. Basically, I didn't die. I'm here... feeling better and brighter and stronger with every day that passes. However, what they don't tell you about losing 77 pounds and then gaining (A LOT) of it back is that you'll feel like it should go faster when you amp up to go at it again. You look at yourself every single day sideways in the mirror and expect your reflection to look like it did when you lost 77 pounds. Let me clue you in... you will be disappointed. Literally, today I did this... just like yesterday... and I thought to myself "I've lost 15 pounds! Why don't I look smaller!?!" because you don't... not yet. It's so much water weight and bloat and it just takes awhile... it feels like forever. I have to remind myself it's only been 10 DAYS... calm down, it will happen. It still feels like a little bit of a let down deep inside because you're all gung-ho and READY - you are vibrating with change and motivation and yaaaasssss girl! But that same old saying goes for everyone - you didn't gain it in a week, you won't lose it in one either. I had to run back to my dream board because I needed to know exactly how long it was going to be before someone noticed. I found this:

18 more days and I'll notice... I'll SEE a difference. 46 more days and YOU will. But... did you catch that last part too --- ONE DAY. All it takes is ONE DAY to make a difference inside - I can't see it but I can feel it. I'm going to make my outside match my inside. I will get there. I am transforming my body in more ways than one and I'm showing the little one that watches what a healthy Mama looks like. All it took was ONE DAY for me to step up to the plate and decide to be different, decide that I am worth more and I deserve more - so does my family, I am enough and I can be happy.

Speaking of healthy habits ---- It takes 21 days to form a habit... and since I can be a bit stubborn I'm giving myself 31 days to form mine. I will not have a cheat meal until September 1st... I repeat... I will not have a cheat meal until September 1st. During that meal I will have all the things. After that meal I will probably want to die - cheat meals tend to 1)make you sleep 2) tear up your stomach in more than one way, and 3) ruin the rest of your day. But... they also tend to remind you why you don't cheat regularly. I'm just putting my cheat meal date out there into the open air... you know... for accountability purposes. If I say it on a social platform I feel like all eyes are on me and it keeps me in check during those moments where I really want to slip into the closet and drink a Mountain Dew... I just think to myself... they'll knowwwww. So I grab my water and chug... it'll pass.

Now, whooooo wants a recipe?? I know, I know... you're all just here for the recipes. That's why I'm here anyway - cooking is my jam. Over the next 2 weeks here are a few of the recipes I will be using:

Vegetarian Fajitas for Clint and I'll add in Fajita Chicken for me and the kid.
Baked Parmesan Pork Chops & Vegetables for the whole family, Clint will have extra roasted veggies.
Parmesan Squash and Zucchini Bake with Salmon.
Oven Chicken & Cheese Quesadillas for me and Renn - but I'll use greek yogurt cream cheese, reduced fat cheese and Xtreme Wellness! High Fiber / Low Carb tortillas for mine.

I will also be making my new favorite thing - PROTEIN WAFFLES!
I use 1/2 cup Kodiak mix + 1/2 cup cold water + 1 tsp oil (I use coconut) + 1/3 scoop protein powder. I top it with 1 TBSP peanut butter and a tiny bit of raw, unfiltered honey. It totally feels like a cheat.

No worries, ya'll - we got this!
-J

Let’s get it started in here...

Day 1
Yesterday... I turned 36 😳. Like up and over halfway through my 30’s... I’m almost 40. I feel old. I feel achy and grumpy and stagnant. My skin feels tight and uncomfortable. My clothes don’t fit right, especially my undergarments - they make me feel like a stuffed sausage, as cliche as that may sound, it’s unequivocally true.  I can’t sleep though the night anymore because my shoulders ache and my arms/hands go to sleep after losing circulation. I’m big and bloated and my body is telling me, in more than one way, that it absolutely cannot bare this excess weight. My anxiety is in overdrive- my whole being feels like a rubber band pulled tight, ready to snap. I can’t even do ONE squat without my knees creaking. I feel weak and floppy and gross. I. Don’t. Want. To. Be. Here. Anymore. I want it gone- off of me. I’m ready.
In the days ahead I know I’ll experience the caffeine and sugar withdrawals, headache upon headache, fatigue, irritability, soreness/body aches, anxiety, depression and emotional instability. You know why?... because I’m an addict. I’m addicted to food, to sugar, to feeding my emotions. But as the days pass I’ll also experience my willpower strengthening, my stomach shrinking, less bloat, an overall sense of pride and with every day that passes I’ll get a little bit of my power back. Power over food, the power of healthy choices and physically my body will become more and more powerful.
This morning I woke up groggy and swollen and exhausted. I shuffled to the bathroom and then realized I had to weigh myself - the neighbors probably heard my gasp as I looked at the numbers for the first time in months. It’s time, it’s past time to do this. I won’t lie, a part of me felt defeated before I even began. BUT I happen to have the best friend anyone could EVER ask for and she sent me a message first thing to encourage me, motivate me and remind me why I want this. She started my morning off with an “I got this!” attitude and I pushed through.  Even though a dull headache stayed with me throughout the day I pushed. I gulped and gulped water all day long. I peed ALL day long. I still pushed. Several times my brain ran through a Rolodex of all the foods I was “missing out on”. I took a breath and mentally redirected my thoughts.
It’s almost 7pm - I’ve consumed 1100 calories today - my LadyBoss shake was epic this morning and helped me with my sweet tooth cravings throughout the day. My tomato basil Harvest snaps where LIFE CHANGING and more than cured my hankering for chips. Tonight I had the most delicious chicken sautéed in a Lite Sundried Tomato Vinegarette with a side of cheesey zucchini rice. I already feel better... do you hear that?? 😳 It’s only  the end of  Day 1 and I already feel better.
Now that you’ve gone through the ridiculousness of my day - I hope you’re still with me - I want to ask you to be my accountability partner. Call me / text me / message me... follow me on FB / IG... ask me if I’m drinking my water, ask me what I ate for lunch (that’s my toughest meal of the day). Call me out. Keep me focused. I want it. I need it. I’ll be here  to post thoughts, updates, recipes and NO they won’t all have to do with weight loss BUT they will all have to do with my journey in this life. The life of an overweight, quirky, 36 year old who talks to kids all day and needs an outlet. I hope you’ll join me. 😘
-J

Food is Fuel, NOT Therapy

Raise your hand if the January BLIZZARD of 2018 made you cheat... well, you don't have to raise your hand sitting there by yourself... but you could just give me a silent nod. Like, yes... I was there with you in spirit, sister.
I was fully prepared to have ONE cheat day of snacking glory and then dive right back into healthy eating. Boy, was I wrong. First of all ,we were not snowed in for merely ONE day... and second of all, I'm just not that strong yet. I can't reign it back in after cheating allllllll day. Maybe after I'm down about 20 pounds and and things don't seem worth it anymore... but right now nope - not I. So this week was a big fat failure. Throughout the weekend I've walked around with my head hanging down - defeated. Then BAM! Facebook decided to be awesome and share a memory from 4 years ago... a memory in which I posted about my weight loss achievement of losing 70.2 pounds (and yes, when you are like me you count those point-whatever ounces). I caved in a little more. Self-doubt crept in, anxiety took hold and I felt the edges around my mental state start to fray. As we've discussed before - I'm an addict, I'm an emotional eater. It's a never-ending disastrous circle - I overeat when I feel bad about myself and I feel bad about myself when I overeat. I 100% feel better when I eat well. I have more energy, my body isn't sluggish and uncomfortable, I am happier and I have a general sense of empowerment. So why isn't it easier? Why can't I crave the foods that make my body feel good instead of my mind? *shrugging* who knows... what I wouldn't give for it to just be that simple. To flip that invisible switch inside my head and begin to love healthy food MORE than un-healthy food... to crave a big steaming bowl of brussel sprouts when I'm feeling low or say hey! congratulations, friend - let's go celebrate over a huge plate of steamed spinach and baked chicken! Yum!! If only, right? This is my battle, my biggest fight - it rages inside of me every single day. I've done it before - I've literally lost 77 pounds because I decided to. I went for it - I battled daily, motivated by pure willpower and encouragement from others. I did it. So now I look myself in the mirror and ask why I'm here AGAIN. Why have I allowed myself to get so far away from where I once was? Do I have it in me to go again? I tell myself I have to. I don't have a choice. This is for my body, my heart, my head and for the ones I love, my family - they deserve a happy and healthy me. So this is me... once again stepping up to the plate.

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it"

Lucky you... this is a two-fer....
Snacking is essential. And even though I'm eating healthier I still have to snack throughout the day to keep me from getting overly hungry. I find that when I don't snack in between meals I have the urge to binge eat or make a quick and typically unhealthy meal choice. I've written about this before - you remember... make sure and always keep a protein bar in your purse, stay prepared... blah-blah-blah. As redundant as it may be it's important and that's why I feel the need to keep sharing it with you because every single time I'm not prepared I lose it. My willpower and determined mindset fly straight out the window. Bye, girl, bye. And I don't. give. a. crap. Because I'm hangry. Yes, that is real. I want food and I want it now and I want it good. Don't be that unprepared mindless fatty. Just don't.
I can do good ALLLLLLLLLLLLL day - trust me, ask my co-teacher... I will yell at her to back away if she comes at me with anything even resembling a carb, #notworthit. But the very minute I sit down on the couch after dinner I want to snack. I have legit snack attacks. Especially if I haven't eaten enough throughout the day. Sometimes I skip breakfast because I truly have a tough time getting something down in the mornings - blah. Sometimes I skip lunch because I get so busy... I mean who has time for that?! On REALLY bad days I skip both and cram in a couple protein bars. And don't get me wrong - I'm prepared... the prep day happened... the food is there and ready to be consumed, I just fail to put it in my mouth. If any of those SUPER important meals are skipped I have a genuine snack attack around 7pm. It never fails. So... what do I do (when my healthy game is on point)... I snack. I eat an ounce of cheese or 1 tablespoon of peanut butter or one apple or one protein ball - then I take this next really important step - I brush my teeth and pop a stick of sugar free gum in my mouth to get the food OUT of my mouth (and head) and then I move my butt. I can't remain sitting on the couch or else I will continue to snack... in a not so healthy way. That means it's time to fold laundry or organize closets or scrub the bathroom or discover a new DIY project. I hone my inner Bruce and chant to myself "Food is fuel, NOT therapy" (that's a Finding Nemo reference with a twist if you aren't caught up). And sometimes... on days when I'm really weak and I think I just may cave I go take a lavender bubble bath and then I take my hungry blubber-butt to BED. Yes, it may only be 8pm buuuuut sleep sounds better than gaining 2 pounds. Today I prepped the Lorek favorite Almond Flour Blueberry Muffins, Protein Balls and I have apples and nut packs on hand ... because sometimes you just gotta take the lazy route. So the motto of this little blurb is it's okay to snack... just be prepared with healthy snacks, keep an eye on your portion size and then move on. See... we got this!

Fail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail

Most likely you've seen one of my many posts on #mealprep day. I can see how it would be annoying, quite redundant really, to someone who isn't constantly trying to lose a pound, or fifty, on the regular. However, for me it's a must. If I don't prepare my menu and ensure that I have grab-and-go snacks available I will inevitably fail at some point during the week. If anything is left up in the air I will ALWAYS veer off track - I go for easy and painless. I am weak in that way, thus the rolls upon rolls of blubber currently residing on my body. My palate is unique and it takes effort. I cannot eat plain ground turkey and vegetables. I cannot eat sticks of celery with heads of lettuce and sprouts and trees. Here me when I say: I.Will.Hate.My.Life and I will fail. I need savory and different - I need to feel like I'm not missing out on everything. That's why I turn to Pinterest for recipes all day long. If you currently do not have an account or you do not use your account I truly urge you to go there right now and give yourself some time to look around. If you're anything like me you'll get lost in there and make yourself 127 boards real quick. I don't always follow recipes exactly - sometimes I tweak a few things to meet our dietary needs or just our likes vs. dislikes in general. But I love having all those ideas right there at my fingertips and I mean it when I say about 90% of my meal plan ideas come from right there. Pinterest is everything. Heck, jump on there now and send me some recipes you love! I'll be your Pinterest buddy 😃.

When I first began this meal plan madness I attempted to actually MAKE breakfast, lunch and snacks for both of us... that was a hot mess of the cranky kitchen blues. By Sunday evening I hated everything... my feet ached, my hands were dry and cracking from soapy water and my back was giving me a fit. It was something I started to dread each week. Now, I've allowed myself to let go a bit and not have to make every little crumb from scratch. Basically, I cheat. Yep - I eat protein bars and protein shakes and mega-easy things like hard boiled eggs or chunks of cheese as a snack. My workplace is "peanut free"... yes, I could die. Peanut/Nut Butter is life and if I could eat it as a snack all day long I would do just that. Alas... I cannot. Therefore I must get creative with my snacks. Right now Luna Bars are my jam... mostly because I'm just starting out again and they taste like heaven. It's probably not the healthiest thing in the world to eat a Luna Bar a day BUT... it keeps me in check and right now it's my healthy. My snack is portion controlled, keeps me full and makes me smile - what more could you want. This week I'll be eating Chocolate Cupcake Lunas - Whoa!! 😋 Yep, it's true. Last week I had Lemon Zest and I tore those suckers UP. Last week was rough. It was my first week in and I was angry at the world. The sugar/carb/soda withdrawals were epic. I just kept reminding myself what was on the other side of that week... which ended up being 5 pounds of weight loss. We persisted and were rewarded. It won't always be so big - that's first week weight loss, BUT it will always feel good. My body will always move a little easier, my clothes will always fit a little better and I will always have a bit more spring in my step. Every week that the scales moves down will be epic for this girl.

If you know me at all you know I often refer to "that time I lost all that weight" or "when I lost all my weight"... I daydream about those days more than you know. It was special. I lost 77 pounds ... like FAST. It wasn't unhealthy, I didn't have surgery, I didn't take a special "diet pill"... I changed the way I ate and the way I thought about eating. I did use Advocare's 24 Day Challenge and then continued to eat a generally clean diet. I blogged about the whole thing - right here on this very blog... you can go back and read through my journey if you have about 900 hours free and can deal with my personality for that long. My story won me 6 months of free personal training at a gym in Fuquay-Varina. I was brave and I went, even though every nerve in my body screamed NOOOOOOO. I was by no means "skinny" and still very self-conscious about the way I looked. But I went. It changed my life. I worked out. In front of other people. For real. I ran... not fast, not hard, not for long, but I actually ran. I did multiple push-ups. I did box jumps. I did squats... sooooo many squats. I was told I was strong. I believed them. My legs felt like jelly afterwards and I was pushed to my limit every single time but I LOVED it. That girl... that's who I will be again. I have to keep her in the forefront of my mind and power through the rest of the crap weighing me down. Because nothing is worth me feeling like this dumpy blah girl who sank back into herself. I'm not brave anymore and there's no spring in my step. My legs aren't sexy and I don't feel strong. I haven't stepped on the scale in MONTHS... I literally closed my eyes at the doctor's office the other day because I just didn't want those big ugly numbers in my face... I wasn't ready. I'm ready now. You wanna jump in with me?

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And if you're just here for the recipes and are finally glad to be through with all that blah-blah-blah here you go ...

Our Menu this week

Breakfasts: Scrambled eggs + sausage or Yogurt Parfaits (Greek Yogurt + Granola + Fresh berries)

Lunches: Salad or Shakeology

Snacks: luna bars, Almond Flour Blueberry Muffins, raw fruits/veggies, hard boiled eggs

Dinners: Veggie Pesto Pasta, Bacon Cheeseburger Crustless Quiche, Mexican Pizzas (we use tostadas and fat free refried beans), Chicken in Roasted Red Pepper Sauce with Baked Vegetables and Cauliflower Crust Pizza

We do have our little Renn around so I try to make enough things that he will eat that are still "healthy" and FEEL like a bit of a cheat to us, such as the Bacon Cheeseburger Crustless Quiche, Mexican Pizzas and the Cauliflower Crust Pizza.