I'm not sure why - there's no real reason behind it other than I sat down on the couch to watch a movie. Back when I lost all that weight years ago I literally had to give up TV. I couldn't stop myself from overindulging on snacks while glued to the tube so I had to walk away. Almost like an alcoholic couldn't go to a bar to hang out with friends and watch a ball game - the indulgence would be inevitable. At that time in my life I dove back into reading, which I still to this day can't get enough of - it's one of my happy places... right there, smack in the middle of a book. I would set myself up with my kindle and a ice cold water with a straw - pop that straw in my mouth and read. I would guzzle water... so much water that I wouldn't feel hungry or like snacking. Basically I conditioned myself to not eat while reading. Apparently, I STILL struggle with television - it's a good thing I don't watch that much of it - a Netflix show binge from time to time but those are few and far between. Usually if it's on I'm doing other things - laundry, cleaning, food prep... so I don't have to worry about the urges, but last night they raged. I had already eaten dinner and my fill of calories for the day - yet I still felt as though I was "dying" for something to snack on. I wasn't hungry I just had the overwhelming urge to snack, which is actually worse for me. Hunger... I know what to do with that... I can tell the difference between board hunger and actual hunger and honestly I can ignore both, but the urge to snack killllllllllls me. I settled on a small handful of Moon Cheese and ended up just turning the movie off. I walked around frustrated and unsettled for a bit - I don't know why I didn't get out of the house and go on a walk or do something more productive I guess I was just in my feelings about it. Regardless... I persevered and did not give in.
After ALL of that... I woke up 1.8 pounds heavier... yeah, you heard me - I GAINED weight. It was crazy because I felt it before I even stepped on the scale - I felt heavier. Insert mind blown emoji here. What in the actual heck happened? But that's the breaks, ya'll - that's what happens sometimes, our weight fluctuates for a multitude of reasons and some of them we can't even explain. That's why the masters tell you the scale lies and not to weigh every day - I get it I do. But it's my scale and my weight so I do what I want. I went down 15 pounds in 10 days - that's like 1.5 pounds a day... which shouldn't be real life. Yes, I am extremely large and yes, most of it is water weight and bloat... but that's still a crazy number. Me being up this morning does not mean that I failed yesterday, it doesn't mean that I'm about to gain all the weight back or that I shouldn't eat anything today. It's just part of the journey. I've learned through all the ups and downs that I need to keep my eye on the prize - keep my focus steady and not waiver.
Keep moving forward, folks. Try not to focus on numbers or calories so much that it consumes your journey. Stay focused on your routine, the changes - making healthier choices, moving more, drinking more water... and if you stumble along the way the best way to move forward is to get up, dust off the guilt and take another step.
Today is a new day! Enjoy yourself :)
-J
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