Yesterday... I turned 36 😳. Like up and over halfway through my 30’s... I’m almost 40. I feel old. I feel achy and grumpy and stagnant. My skin feels tight and uncomfortable. My clothes don’t fit right, especially my undergarments - they make me feel like a stuffed sausage, as cliche as that may sound, it’s unequivocally true. I can’t sleep though the night anymore because my shoulders ache and my arms/hands go to sleep after losing circulation. I’m big and bloated and my body is telling me, in more than one way, that it absolutely cannot bare this excess weight. My anxiety is in overdrive- my whole being feels like a rubber band pulled tight, ready to snap. I can’t even do ONE squat without my knees creaking. I feel weak and floppy and gross. I. Don’t. Want. To. Be. Here. Anymore. I want it gone- off of me. I’m ready.
In the days ahead I know I’ll experience the caffeine and sugar withdrawals, headache upon headache, fatigue, irritability, soreness/body aches, anxiety, depression and emotional instability. You know why?... because I’m an addict. I’m addicted to food, to sugar, to feeding my emotions. But as the days pass I’ll also experience my willpower strengthening, my stomach shrinking, less bloat, an overall sense of pride and with every day that passes I’ll get a little bit of my power back. Power over food, the power of healthy choices and physically my body will become more and more powerful.
This morning I woke up groggy and swollen and exhausted. I shuffled to the bathroom and then realized I had to weigh myself - the neighbors probably heard my gasp as I looked at the numbers for the first time in months. It’s time, it’s past time to do this. I won’t lie, a part of me felt defeated before I even began. BUT I happen to have the best friend anyone could EVER ask for and she sent me a message first thing to encourage me, motivate me and remind me why I want this. She started my morning off with an “I got this!” attitude and I pushed through. Even though a dull headache stayed with me throughout the day I pushed. I gulped and gulped water all day long. I peed ALL day long. I still pushed. Several times my brain ran through a Rolodex of all the foods I was “missing out on”. I took a breath and mentally redirected my thoughts.
It’s almost 7pm - I’ve consumed 1100 calories today - my LadyBoss shake was epic this morning and helped me with my sweet tooth cravings throughout the day. My tomato basil Harvest snaps where LIFE CHANGING and more than cured my hankering for chips. Tonight I had the most delicious chicken sautéed in a Lite Sundried Tomato Vinegarette with a side of cheesey zucchini rice. I already feel better... do you hear that?? 😳 It’s only the end of Day 1 and I already feel better.
Now that you’ve gone through the ridiculousness of my day - I hope you’re still with me - I want to ask you to be my accountability partner. Call me / text me / message me... follow me on FB / IG... ask me if I’m drinking my water, ask me what I ate for lunch (that’s my toughest meal of the day). Call me out. Keep me focused. I want it. I need it. I’ll be here
-J
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