I did it again... I started post after post and deleted them because I let the doubt creep in... who would want to read what I have to say... do I actually have anything important to say... I'm not good enough for this. Today, though... today I will follow through. Today, I will remember I'm not doing this "for readers" necessarily, although, if you are in fact reading this I adore you and I thank you... but at the end of the day I am doing this for me. Today, it's about the things that keep me going - which is writing about my journey and the things that bring me JOY - which just so happens to be writing about my journey. Would you look at that... seems as though I should just write.
This morning I was exactly, to the decimal, 15.0 pounds down. I smiled. It felt good. I was excited to tell someone, although, it's not about the number of likes I get in response or the praise... it's mainly just about doing what I said I was going to do, sticking with something and succeeding. Fighting through the headaches, the cravings and the fatigue has been tough - thankfully, I have an amazing support system and they help me keep my head in the game. When all else fails, I lean on them. I am working for this, I'm earning it and it feels good - sometimes, that alone is enough to keep me going... sometimes it's not. That's why I tend to surround myself with those wonderful people in my corner or with dream boards and positive affirmations and weight loss support FB groups and it's also why I put so much on Facebook about my journey - for accountability. I need someone out there expecting me to push through, to stop thinking about cupcakes and block those delicious looking pizza ads, to guzzle my water, to push this hefty body into workout mode. Someone out there needs me to do this ... and maybe it's because they need to know they can do it too. THAT inspires me - knowing that someone out there might be letting their own doubts and insecurities keep them from reaching for a better life and somehow my journey may help them see that they are not alone, that they can push through. If I can give up sweet tea and pass on the pasta and make my son cookies without eating even one crumb YOU can do it too!
So far this change in eating habits hasn't been crazy hard, trust me, it's not been super easy either... but nothing awful. I didn't cry, I didn't yell and scream and whine - I put on my XXXXXL panties and handled it. Hopefully... at the end of all this I'll put on my Medium panties and handle things. Basically, I didn't die. I'm here... feeling better and brighter and stronger with every day that passes. However, what they don't tell you about losing 77 pounds and then gaining (A LOT) of it back is that you'll feel like it should go faster when you amp up to go at it again. You look at yourself every single day sideways in the mirror and expect your reflection to look like it did when you lost 77 pounds. Let me clue you in... you will be disappointed. Literally, today I did this... just like yesterday... and I thought to myself "I've lost 15 pounds! Why don't I look smaller!?!" because you don't... not yet. It's so much water weight and bloat and it just takes awhile... it feels like forever. I have to remind myself it's only been 10 DAYS... calm down, it will happen. It still feels like a little bit of a let down deep inside because you're all gung-ho and READY - you are vibrating with change and motivation and yaaaasssss girl! But that same old saying goes for everyone - you didn't gain it in a week, you won't lose it in one either. I had to run back to my dream board because I needed to know exactly how long it was going to be before someone noticed. I found this:
18 more days and I'll notice... I'll SEE a difference. 46 more days and YOU will. But... did you catch that last part too --- ONE DAY. All it takes is ONE DAY to make a difference inside - I can't see it but I can feel it. I'm going to make my outside match my inside. I will get there. I am transforming my body in more ways than one and I'm showing the little one that watches what a healthy Mama looks like. All it took was ONE DAY for me to step up to the plate and decide to be different, decide that I am worth more and I deserve more - so does my family, I am enough and I can be happy.
Speaking of healthy habits ---- It takes 21 days to form a habit... and since I can be a bit stubborn I'm giving myself 31 days to form mine. I will not have a cheat meal until September 1st... I repeat... I will not have a cheat meal until September 1st. During that meal I will have all the things. After that meal I will probably want to die - cheat meals tend to 1)make you sleep 2) tear up your stomach in more than one way, and 3) ruin the rest of your day. But... they also tend to remind you why you don't cheat regularly. I'm just putting my cheat meal date out there into the open air... you know... for accountability purposes. If I say it on a social platform I feel like all eyes are on me and it keeps me in check during those moments where I really want to slip into the closet and drink a Mountain Dew... I just think to myself... they'll knowwwww. So I grab my water and chug... it'll pass.
Now, whooooo wants a recipe?? I know, I know... you're all just here for the recipes. That's why I'm here anyway - cooking is my jam. Over the next 2 weeks here are a few of the recipes I will be using:
Vegetarian Fajitas for Clint and I'll add in Fajita Chicken for me and the kid.
Baked Parmesan Pork Chops & Vegetables for the whole family, Clint will have extra roasted veggies.
Parmesan Squash and Zucchini Bake with Salmon.
Oven Chicken & Cheese Quesadillas for me and Renn - but I'll use greek yogurt cream cheese, reduced fat cheese and Xtreme Wellness! High Fiber / Low Carb tortillas for mine.
I will also be making my new favorite thing - PROTEIN WAFFLES!
I use 1/2 cup Kodiak mix + 1/2 cup cold water + 1 tsp oil (I use coconut) + 1/3 scoop protein powder. I top it with 1 TBSP peanut butter and a tiny bit of raw, unfiltered honey. It totally feels like a cheat.
No worries, ya'll - we got this!
-J
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