Not Ashamed

I said I would blog my feelings... so here I am. I'm not as upset as I was yesterday... so I spared you from that... it's never a good thing for me to write when I'm angry. After weighing myself and being sooooo frustrated I looked around for someone to blame. I mean why would I gain ELEVEN pounds, yes... you read that correctly... just because I cheated for a couple of days. (Do you know how long it takes to LOSE 11 pounds?!?) Ohhh probably because you cheated for a couple of days, duh. So who was there to blame... me... just me. I did this... I let myself go and decided to eat and eat ... and eat all the wrong things. I grumbled to myself for most of the day on Monday... every time I had to chug water or make a better food choice. And today... well, today was worse. I got into stubborn little arguments with MYSELF (no, I'm not crazy) when it was time to eat I was so frustrated with having to make a healthier choice I almost refused to eat. I mean... what is that about? I felt like I was just slamming my head into a wall over and over and I might have huffed out loud a few times. Whhhhyyyy.... why is it so hard?! I was tired and cranky and withdrawing from sugar. This afternoon, I cracked open a Bang and read through my Pinterest Dream Board and got my head back in the game. It's really NOT that hard... it just takes effort, which means that sometimes it's easier than others. "The hard part isn't getting your body in shape. The hard part is getting your mind in shape." This is so very true... 95% of my problem is in my head... emotional eater, stress eater, anxious eater... I have to talk myself through most days... whether it's about food or something else. This is just one more thing bumping around in this head of mine. Another reason I must stay focused and keep my mind on the end game. I am worth it. I will do this. I give no excuses. I am committed. Through this process... and the many times I have been right here... I have learned that I can pretty much talk myself through anything. The power is within me, I just have to put in the effort. "The comeback is always stronger than the setback." This comeback will include crunches and pushups with a few hundred squats for good measure. I am absolutely TERRIFIED to put that out there... why? Because that means I must follow through. I am absolutely aching to workout but I'm also shaking in my knickers. I kinda wanna whine about it... but I'm better than that. That stupid little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering that I might fail, that I will be weak and it will hurt. Then my logical voice kicks in and says of course I will... I will fail at first because I have high standards and although I want to kick the first week off with 150 squats... I won't. I will fail myself and the idea of what I can do that is built up in my head... BUT I won't be a failure. I am weak, but that's only because this is the beginning. I will get stronger... and therein lies the magic of the transformation. And oh, it will hurt... it will hurt A LOT... but enduring those aches and pains will lead to stronger muscles - it means I worked hard. It means I am earning it. I will not be ashamed of my beginnings. Every journey starts somewhere.

Overnight I lost 3 of the 11 ... so only 8 more to go to break even. It was my choice, my mistake and I must now carry the burden of my choice. That does not make this the end, it just means I have to push harder.

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it."

- Margaret Thatcher

Truer words have never been spoken... this is my battle and I definitely have to fight it time and time again. It's alright thought... I will overcome this and it will be epic.

I know I'm late to the game but here is the rest of the menu... I will go ahead and give you my 2 week plan (I do grocery pick up tomorrow).
Breakfasts: w1: Chia Yogurt Power Bowl (Clint) / LB Lean Shakes (Jillian)
                     w2: Toast with fried egg, tomato & provolone (Clint) / Shakes (Jillian)
Lunches: w1: 7 Layer Dip w/Pita Chips (Clint) / Burrito Bowls (Jillian)
                 w2: Tuna Salad w/Nutthins (Clint) / Pizza Chips (Cheddar Cheese Nutthins, Drop of Pizza sauce, Turkey Pepperoni, Mozzerella) (Jillian)
Snacks: skinny pop popcorn, nature valley protein bars, celery + PB, protein balls
W: Sheet pan veggies + chicken on the side
Th: picnic in suprise location! *probably Chick-fil-a meal*
F: Jill out with friends / boys fend for themselves ;)
Sa: Grilled Veggies & Black Bean BBQ Bowls (C) / Meatloaf + green beans + veggie pasta-Steamfresh brand (J)
Su: Medi Power Grain Bowls (C) / Teriyaki Chicken & Broccoli (J)
M: Left-over Saturday dinner
T: Left-over Sunday dinner
W: Make your own Quesadillas
Th: Stir Fry
F: Cauliflower Crust Pizza
Sa: Veggie Brunswick Stew (C) / Enchilada Casserole (J)
Su: Salmon Cakes + Sweet Potato Fries + Asparagus
M: Left-over Saturday dinner
T: Left-over Sunday dinner