I have, and have always had, this issue with worrying about what people think about what I'm doing or how what I'm doing will effect them. While at times this could be considered a good thing - being considerate, thinking of others and all that jazz... for me it's become a negative thing. Worry and guilt consume me... makes me feel bad about myself and my choices... makes me stress... makes me EAT. So in this book the main character is being overrun with guilt about what she did or didn't do concerning a friend of hers and she is talking to good old Grandma about it. Sounds like something I would do at her age (I should probably do it a little more these days and maybe I would be a little wiser). And Grandma said,
"Don't go down that road.
That's arrogant.
You think too much of yourself and your effect on people."
.... um ... oh. I've never ever thought about it like that, and while it may not pertain to every situation it was completely eye opening for me. I make mistakes, I make good choices and I do what I do. I try. How people react is on them... what they think or do is their choice. This is life-changing.
You know what else makes me EAT... sadness... depression... and just being plain 'ole cranky. I've been there and done that this last week. Well, not the EAT part... but the overwhelming since of blah part. Typically, as previously discussed, when I'm feeling down I comfort myself with food like pizza and pasta and fries and desserts. So as I was sulking in the dark at naptime good ole Grandma threw more knowledge my way,
"Other things and other people make you feel happy,
but they won't make you happy.
That comes from you.
That comes from your own heart."
Dang. Grandmas are smart. I rely too much on outside sources for my happiness and that has been more than apparent this week. Every day I felt like "what's special about today? nothing" and I allowed myself to wallow in that and be grumpy toward everyone around me. That is completely unacceptable. Thankfully my family loves me enough to let it go and hopefully my co-workers will forgive me. Sometimes you just gotta dig down deep and pull out some happiness. I have so many reasons to be happy... just because they occur every day doesn't mean I should take them for granted. I'm bad at that. I have 100 reasons to smile and 1 or 2 reasons to frown and somehow I manage to focus on the frown... focus on the worry or the let down or the stress and then guess what happens... I binge. So today I'm focusing on the happy. I'm literally talking to myself and reminding myself of all the blessings I have and how I shouldn't "borrow trouble" and worry about the things that I can't change. That in itself is a huge thing to wrap your head around. There is no one single thing I can do to effect the outcome of something major I am worried about, so I might as well take a deep breath and give it to God because it is truly in His hands. Isaiah 58:9...
Well, I may not have said anything poetic or mind-blowing in today's post but it sure helped me to write it out. Mostly this blog is about figuring out a healthy life style and what I think and feel as I find it... so that's why this post was important to me. In order for me to recover from my addiction to food I have to work myself. I have to dissect my psyche and figure out what drives my addiction. Worry and depression are most definitely things I have to work through in order to maintain a healthy body. What are things that trigger you?
Update! Clint and I are on Day 7 of our 24 Day Challenge. Clint has lost 8.4 and I am down 11.4!!! And we are smashing it :) Clint's shorts are looser and I definitely see a change in my big ole belly. We will take measurements on Day 11 after the Cleanse Phase is complete.
Thanks for reading. You make me happy.
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