Will Power

Sooo I'm at the end of Day 2 and I must say I'm feeling pretty blessed and impressed. I feel blessed because I had about 10 minutes of a caffeine withdrawal headache - which, if you know anything about me you know that is a serious miracle. I was expecting at least two days of a migraine. I feel blessed because I'm not even really craving food or hungry, and that is something I literally pray about on the way to work. I'm impressed with the will power - that I really didn't even know I had. The power to continuously drink water and the power to sit at home alone and not dig in to all the delicious things that I definitely have in my kitchen right now and the power to not cheat, even when no one is looking. I've decided to stick around work or just run a few errands if, and only if, I HAVE to because it keeps me from going and buying something else to eat when I know I don't need it. And just keeping myself busy gives me will power - like scrubbing down my kitchen rather than sitting on the couch watching TV when all that really makes me want to do is eat some chips. Also, WATER ... water gives you will power, did you know about that? Because you totally should. Every time I feel even a tad bit hungry I gulp it... or if I start thinking about how delicious that Butter Cake I'm making on Wednesday will taste... I gulp it. While I'm reading my kindle (which I do a bit more than I should) I just sit there with the straw in my mouth and suck it down while I read... it's like magic - I don't even realize I just downed 16oz. Just do it - it's awesome. A few of you have asked me what I'm doing... so it's not really a master plan or anything... I'm just replacing breakfast and lunch with a Slim Fast shake and eating a real dinner, I also include 2-3 snacks in there somewhere. I stopped drinking soda... completely... and we are never, ever, ever getting back together... like ever. I'm also moving more - I found this short little workout on pinterest with mountain climbers, jumping jacks, push ups and crunches so I've started on that. I most definitely do it alone and sometimes in the dark, I'm not quite ready to publicly slap my fat around. But one day at a time, right? I'll get there. I noticed tonight I didn't get winded going  up the steps to my place - which probably sounds downright ridiculous to you... but it's definitely a fist pumping moment for me. So see... no grand idea just little things I know I can do to help myself out - slow and steady wins the race. Someone pretty smart told me I only need 4 things: (1) Honesty (2) Willingness (3) Open-Mindedness and (4) Patience... which I've found is SO true, for so many things. But I repeat that to myself every morning - my own little mantra... I stare myself down and say "Jillian, be honest with yourself today - don't cheat yourself. You you are more than willing to do this - keep it up and don't give up. Have an open-mind, try new things. And be patient - it won't all fall off in one day - you will get there and it will be epic." So stick that on your post it note and read it :)

Never too late

Well hello strangers... I'm baaaaack. It's about dang time, right?! So I'm readin this nifty little book about a girl that was fat (imagine that) and she reminds me a lot of ...  me. So I was thinking I should definitely get back on track with this weight loss challenge even though technically it's suppose to be over in like 2 months and technically I probably haven't lost any weight since I started this blog. Have you ever just been really bad at something? Well... I'm just really REALLY really bad a losing weight. I'm lazy and I don't want to cook healthy meals and I don't want to move my fat butt around and I definitely don't want to do it in any type of public place. I don't want to count calories and not eat that cupcake from Gigi's that I want so desperately. But ALL OF THAT is exactly why I need to lose weight. I'm a blubbery, lazy mess. I literally hate the way I look - I avoid mirrors and shopping for clothes and generally I feel pretty bad about myself. I've always been a big person but it never use to bother me it was just what I was and there were still days I felt pretty, really pretty. Now... I can't even tell you the last time I felt pretty, or like a glimpse of myself in the mirror didn't make me want to throw up. This is all pretty depressing, right? I know... it's actually pretty embarassing to lay it all out there on public display - all these pent up feelings and emotions I have on a daily basis. I've had a lot going on in my personal life for the last 5 years - it's kind of sucked to be blatently honest. I pushed most of my friends away because I just didn't want anyone to see what was really going on - you know, underneath the smiles and the "I'm fines". I'm sure this has all added to my current condition. So ENOUGH... my new motto for each day "Get rid of it - it doesn't belong here. This is your time. No one else's. If it isn't motivating you, then it doesn't belong around you." The "IT" in get rid of it being all the anger and torment and depression and low self-esteem. And the "IT" in if it isn't motivating being people, places, things, food, etc. I don't really care if I can only walk 5 minutes 4 times a day I will get in my 20 minutes and that's where I will start. If you have a healthy recipe that you would like to share email it to me jillianlorek@gmail.com. I WILL try it - I can't promise I'll love it but I'll try it. If you have a smart phone - and the My Fitness Pal app then add ME - JillianLorek. I can use all the encouragement and accountability that I can get. I can do this.... I have to do this.