You're beautiful, every little piece, love.

"But here's the thing: once you know that it's really not about the food, you are set free in a way. You realize, that if the second cupcake never made you any happier than the first, if you never felt more content after three slices of pizza that you did after two, then you can decide to stop when you've enjoyed all you can of a food, of a moment. So much of the same reason we continue to eat past fullness is tied to not wanting a feeling to be over, not wanting to lose out on fleeting joy. the truth is that the food will make you feel joy, but treating it with respect and stopping to appreciate one big, beautiful cupcake, and not two or three, is the most loving thing you can do for yourself."
              -andie
That is a quote from the new love of my life, Andie Mitchell. She is beautiful and honest and most importantly... she has been in my shoes. She knows what it's like for people to gawk,
she knows what it's like to want to be invisible,
she knows what it's like to have your legs fall asleep when you sit cross-legged on the floor,
she knows what it's like to literally ache for a 4th, maybe 5th piece of pizza,
she knows what it's like to sweat in 70 degree weather,
she knows what it's like to dread needing new clothes,
she knows what it's like to wish people could see... past the fat that defines you.
She found the courage and the drive to change - she lost 135 pounds. She doesn't wish the first 20 years of her life were different, she doesn't regret them - she embraces them. "When you are big for 20 years, the only twenty you've ever known, you'll kindly not frown upon two decades. You'll know that who you are was formed in there, and that's beautiful...

     Hear me.

      Beautiful."

She talks about hearing the accounts of people who have lost a lot of weight - hearing them talk about their "former selves", in a "very detached way. As if the here and now is infinitely better and more lovely than the past. And maybe it is in lots of ways. But here's the thing: it was you all along". Epic.
It was me, it is me and it will be me. I WILL lose this weight, but inside I will remain beautiful, just as God created me. Losing this weight will not change who I am and it will not change the way I view the world.
 
I've only been on this "Challenge" a mere 30 days - I've had hard days, but I've had amazing days. I get frustrated and angry and cry but I have beautiful, sweet, encouraging friends and family that are there, just waiting to lift me up again. I get excited and joyful about the weight I have been able to lose and what I know lies just ahead... up over that mountain... I just have to keep on climbing. I am forever changed by this journey and what it has shown me. I do have power over food, I can say "no", I can still enjoy good food and I have been set free.

The low down

Good evening my lovelies...
My day has not gone well. Right now I'd just like to lay my head down on the table and close my eyes for a bit... I'm a little flabbergasted with life. I have been pretty emotional about some changes at work, my husband has an inflamed colon and we are waiting on more bloodwork to see if there could be anything else going on in there, my son has a stomach virus erupting out of his bottom and thought it would be a great day NOT to nap and he is...right this minute... demanding chocolate cookies, ice cream and M&Ms... after refusing to eat any real food.
So what do I do... put on a movie and walk away... mom of the year right?
Anyways... I've had LOADS of people ask me about this 24 Day Challenge I've been on so I thought I'd share on here (sorry if you already know... just skip this part). The Advocare 24 Day Challenge is a two part system... a 10 Day Herbal Cleanse and a 14 Day Max Phase. The people who thought this up are my heroes, really and truly. The general ideas is to follow the timeline - yes, it's all written out for you so no worries - and avoid things like dairy, alcohol, soda, sugar and white things. Sounds hard for those of you food junkies out there... but trust me... I was a food junkie and it was NOT hard. During the Herbal Cleanse you have a few more steps to follow - you have to drink this crazy weird fiber drink (my least favorite thing about this challenge) and take herbal cleanse tablets / probiotics. Honestly, this cleanse was very gentle - I never had an "emergency". I dropped weight pretty significantly during this phase... I lost 14 pounds... in 10 days. Most of it was water weight and "bloat" and losing that alone makes you feel like a new person. Now as I began the Max phase I got a little doubtful a few times - first off, my scale broke... then I borrowed a scale and saw that the scale wasn't moving like I had previously determined it should. But I kept eating right and staying on top of my vitamins and you know what... I finally got over that little stall and continued on to lose 8 more pounds to round it out at 22 pounds total. My favorite parts of the Challenge were the Meal Replacement Shakes and the Sparks. The MRS are optional - you only get 14 servings with your package - but I LOVED them. I thought it had a great taste and I loved that I wasn't forced to eat something in the morning. Obviously in order to get your metabolism moving you should eat a healthy breakfast soon after waking... I, for some reason, have always struggled with this - enter MRS - takes a full 5 minutes to prep and drink and I'm done for the morning :) Love it! On to my MOST favorite thing - SPARK - the new love of my life. I'm going to be 100% honest with you - the first drink, I was not a fan - it was SO strong and I was not use to the taste. Wait about 30-45 mins and you'll be a fan for life! I felt this amazing sense of awesomeness... sounds crazy I know but WOW! My husband drinks Monster energy drinks and after one Spark drink he was hooked too... he explained it as a "cleaner energy" feeling than he experienced with his other energy drinks. Sadly, again... the Challenge only comes with 14 servings and if you are like me you want 2x day for 24 days... so you'll need to order more if you want to feel FABULOUS ;) My favorite was the Fruit Punch - it tastes like fruit punch, shocking I know. A part of this Challenge that I took for granted was the Max 3 pack of vitamins/supplements. It really and truly does amazing things for your metabolism and body - so don't forget about those little pills!!!!!!!! More questions? Just ask.

Recipe Night:
So you should definitely be down for this CAULIFLOWER PIZZA CRUST
1/2 head of cauliflower, grated (about 2 1/4 cups)
1 large egg, beaten
1 cup part-skim mozzerella
2 TBSP parmesan cheese, grated
salt & pepper to taste
olive oil non-stick spray
pizza sauce
topping cheese
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Put the grated cauliflower in a large bowl (BEWARE: it smells TERRIBLE) and heat for 8 minutes in the microwave. Remove and allow to cool for a bit - then stir in egg, cheeses and salt/pepper. Prepare pan with parchment paper. Pour mixture onto pan and pat out into 10" circle, spray lightly with non-stick spray and cook for 10-15 mins until golden brown. Remove - allow to cool a bit and then top with sauce and cheese and any other toppings you would like. Cook for an additional 10 minutes. ENJOY guilt free :)

My favorite chicken marinade:
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
2 TBSP Dijon Mustard
Mix well and marinate chicken at least 4 hours. You know I like easy peasy. Then I typically broil my chicken for a more flavorful and tender experience ;)

Good night folks...

We GOT this!

Good Morning!! It's definitely a GRRREAT morning here - I hope yours is as well :) Today is the beginning of Day 21 for me ... so I have 3 days left to hit my goal of losing 20 pounds. Gifts have been promised at 20 pounds ;)  As of this morning I have lost a total of

19.3 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is ground breaking for me. Earth shattering really. The best part of it is how driven and motivated I am... STILL. Believe me I have been frustrated and sad when that stupid ole scale didn't say what I wanted it to say... or when I look in the mirror and realize my stomach doesn't look that much smaller or feel a little twinge of disappointment when no one said they could tell. But I just remind myself that every single day brings me closer to my end goal and that one day people will be able to tell.

Do you know what I realized?? I have literally gone 21 days (with the exception of my birthday dinner) with NO bread, NO pasta, NO soda, NO chocolate.... that's pretty dang good and something I would have told about 25 days ago was impossible. I haven't missed it, I haven't craved it and I have been able to turn it down in one way or another without a problem. The other day at lunch Clint offered me a crouton, one crouton and I gave him a horrible face and I said "UMMM NO that is so not worth it" ... and it isn't. I am going to add in some whole grain pastas and breads from time to time, maybe 1-2 times per week but that is something that was a real problem for me - back then, you know when I was fat ;) haha - so it was actually easier for me to avoid it than try to limit it. But I do realize that whole grains do make for a healthy, rounded diet and I am at a point that I feel that I can safely add them back in - so here goes. (And don't get crazy, yes, I know I'm still fat)
... and let's all take a moment to note that it was extremely awesome of me to go through my 31st birthday without consuming ANYTHING sweet... I'm giving myself a high five for that one.

Another part of this lifestyle change that I LOOOVE is finding out about new things to cook. I'm picky, like seriously picky... I don't like all those "good for you things" like bananas, peaches, peppers, onions, mushrooms, etc... so I have to figure out a way to sneak little extras into my diet. I have determined that I'm definitely asking Santa for a really good food processor... I need to be able to emulsify those veggies and fruits! This morning I made my very own spaghetti sauce with extra lean ground turkey to enjoy later on this week with some fresh whole grain pasta! Sounds delicious AND healthy, right?? You'd be surprised how much healthier you can be making things from scratch. Our family loves pizza... I don't know why but it's just our thing. I've been making Renn his own little pizzas so I'm not tempted to eat any... but I figured it's about time to find a pizza I can enjoy too. So tonight for dinner we are attempting cauliflower crust pizza with plain old tomato sauce + seasonings (which makes it scrumptious) and low fat cheese... we will see but I'm pretty stoked about it. One of my complaints about Advocare was that we can't really afford to do all fresh veggies week to week at our house so I was worried about using canned veggies since it's "not as healthy"... not to worry... Mrs. Dana says just dump out the can o' veggies (no added salt) in the colander and rinse with water twice - to cook put in just enough water to cover the veggies and use things like: garlic powder, onion powder, pepper, Ms Dash or splenda to season. Sounds easy enough to me! Now on to my worst nightmare... FRUIT... I seriously dislike most fruit. I think mostly it's a texture issue - bananas... they make me gag, like BAD. Yet... I need to get more fruit in my diet. So during one of my late night research moments I found out that FROZEN fruit is actually better for you than fresh fruit... because it's flash frozen during it's ripest time - which means it's frozen in time when it has the most nutrients. So I got a few bags of frozen berries to pop in my current rinky dink food processor and mix into my morning meal replacement shake - I got this. Care to share any little secrets you have to keep yourself healthy??

Love you guys... really and truly I do. Thanks for reading.